Punny Headlines

[groza528]

This might belong in VSP, feel free to move it (provided you think it is in the wrong place and have acquired moderator abilities.)
The rules are simple. Write a newspaper-type article with a pun for a headline (Don't share the headline, only the article.) An example taken from our local newspaper's cryptogram: If you were to write an article about a short psychic that had escaped from prison, the headline would be "small medium at large." Whoever figures out what the headline should be writes the next one. Don't bother waiting for confirmation, we don't want this to slow down. Keep in mind that the facts of the article may be irrelevant, and many probably will be.

A "hit" attempt Tuesday evening in a Chicago suburb was stopped by mild-mannered Susan Cotter.
Mrs. Cotter was just returning home from work when she saw a black Oldsmobile pull into the driveway of her neighbor, Anthony Carelli. Two men stepped out of the vehicle, and Mrs. Cotter claims to have seen guns in their hands.
"I didn't know what to do," said Cotter to Chicago police officer Norman Wick. "I was frightened. I knew I had to signal Mr. Carelli somehow, though." Cotter's reaction was to get out of her car and shout, an action that could have potentially caused the two men to fire at her, says Wick.
Instead, according to witnesses who rushed to their windows to see the cause of the shouting, the two men stumbled over backwards and rushed back to their car, seemingly scared of the neighbor. They did not complete their crime.
The killers were identified through mugshots as Leo and Vito Corleone, of the Chicago Mafia. The black oldsmobile registered to them was later found by police officers parked at O'Hare airport, though the location of the mobsters remains unknown. Chicago police are concerned they've flown to Europe, in order to escape authorities temporarily.

[Lepton]

I don't have a clue, and I think that this might fare better in VSP, Groza. Good idea, though. (I expect no less )

[Magus]

Then again, this is kinda like "So I says" in a way, so I think maybe it could go into both forums, each thread with a link to the other thread. Or just leave it in one place or the other. I like the idea, but i don't really know about this current one. Are we allowed to discuss in the thread?

[Lepton]

It might be just Groza (), but all the names are "c"'s...

[Xeno]

Does it have something to do with the mafia's cover being blown in the windy city?

[groza528]

Take it away Xeno!
My original answer was "Mobsters Feared Abroad" (a broad) but Xeno's works as well.

[Xeno]

Off the coast of New York, amidst the trash and sewage, a miraculous animal has been discovered.
“Even thought I am a Clupea herengus, I am by no means common. It all began when a newspaper from a passing barge fell into the Atlantic. I just happened to be unlucky enough to be trapped beneath it. Now, at the time, I was quite a small fish, and as this was the bulky Sunday edition, I had no chance of escaping. For the next six months, I was stuck beneath the paper and barely survived. Boredom ensued, and I suppose, I couldn’t help but learn what it said.”
Without any schooling, whatsoever, this amazing fish has deciphered the New York Times.

Xeno

[This message has been edited by Xeno (edited 02-05-2003 03:21 AM).]

[mathgrant]

Something about a read red herring?

I don't want to do the next one. Hence the invis.