How To Fake Being A Limey

[Vegetable]

Could any of you Limey's give me an idea of how to do Major Metcalf from The Mousetrap? My school is doing it for our spring play, and I'm trying out for him. Any advice/examples would be appreciated.

[Sniklac16]

Originally posted by The Ktulu:

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Snik - are you saying you grew up in England for part of your life but don't know many of these phrases; or you're descended from English but not living in England, therefore not knowing the Limey Lingo?

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I was descended from english, my grandmother travelled here from England.

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"I am both the creator and the destroyer"

[Agamemnon]

Most of you Yanks are decendents of us Brits actually.

[Vegetable]

I got big chunks of Russian and Polish in me. I can't speak Russian, and i don't even know what language they speak in Poland. I don't find this odd.

[extropalopakettle]

I think they speak Polish. Somebody does ... I'm pretty sure it's them.

[Beartalon]

I wouldn't touch extro's sarcasm with a 10-foot Pole.

[Mackay]

i wouldn't talk, Bear. Your puns could do with some Polishing up.

[extropalopakettle]

I once entered a pun contest. I submitted ten entries to increase my odds, and thought for sure at least one would win a prize. I was disappointed when no pun in ten did.

[Mackay]

*cracks up*

[The Ktulu]

I'm one-upping you Mackay:

P

U

S
K

A


R

C

Oh, and

E
N
O

[Mackay]

You forgot a "C", mate.

[The Ktulu]

Nope. Just fell down the cracks, is all.

[Mackay]

Sure... you can't de-"C"-ve me...

[Kd]

*ahem*

[The Ktulu]

*-sits up straight, looks forward, and pretends he was being a perfect angel the whole time-*

[Macros]

i'd offer to teach you to be irish, but i fall down on so many points myself.

[Mackay]

mmmmmmmm... Irish

*wants to learn to be Irish*

*or at least get lots of Macros voice recordings* Speaking of which... you promised me some AGES ago! *demands*

[Macros]

mic's still busted, if you can get it working..........

[Usurper]

quote:

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mmmmmmmm... Irish
*wants to learn to be Irish*

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This might be quite easy. Can you play Rugby?

[sk]

can someone explain rugby? how about cricket too?

[Hitchhiker]

Don't forget football (what us Yanks call soccer).

[Kd]

Erm... you want sports explaining?

*looks nervous* AGA!!! help.

I, however, am preparing a small piece about Britain's identity. It will be reasonably funny, and should help you all fit right in when you seek asylum here (believe me, all of you could get in, no problem).

[Aga]

Right, I'm 6/10ths pissed but here goes......

Cricket

The gentlemens game, best game in the world, fantastic. Well, thats my opinions out of the way, lets start.

Cricket comprises of two leagues in England. The leagues are made up of senior county teams that play a normal 3 day league match and a Sunday league match. Senior county teams are regional to the counties of England eg Kent, Sussex, Lancashire, Essex, Yorkshire etc being the team names. There is also a minor league made up from the lesser counties such as Devon, Berkshire, Avon, Berkshire etc. The minor teams get to play the major team only in cup matches, other than that, they stay in their own little world. There is no real difference between the senior and minor teams except money

A cricket team is made up from 11 players. Each player will have a batting ability and probably anywhere between 4 - 7 players will have a bowling ability. A team will list their players before the start. The order of these players, if they are batting first, will follow the order on the list, so an average team list will have the first 6 players as the strongest and best batters, then will come the lesser batters leading onto the out and out bowlers who have a below average batting ability but an above average bowling ability.

When a match is being played, it is decided on the flip of a coin who bats/fields first. The first batters will then go off to 'pad up', this is where the batters get ready for batting by putting on their protective clothing such as leg pads, gloves, bollock box, arm pad and helmet. You may laugh but bowlers nowadays can bowl the ball at you somewhere in the region of 88 - 101 mph!
When they are ready, two batter will make their way to the field and take up their positions at either end of the wicket.

Batting.
The cricket field is an oval shape and in the centre there is a 'wicket'. This is a strip of grass marked off for the bowling/batting contest. At each end of the wicket there are 'stumps'. These are virtually three upright sticks with 'bails' on top of them. The bails are just littles sticks connecting the three uprights, but none of the sticks are firmly connected, just placed there, easy to fall off.
The batters position themselves, one at each end and behind the batting line marked out in front of them. When decided, the fielding teams bowler will bowl from one end to the batsman at the other.
Basically, the batsmans job is to hit the ball away from himself, guarding the wicket, and to try to get the ball far enough away to score 'runs'.

Scoring.
There are several ways in which a batsman can score, and I'll try to simply explain there individually.
1) Batsman can score by hitting said ball then running to the other end of the wicket. At the same time, the batsman at the other end has to run the opposite way. When both are at the opposite end to which they started, then 1 run is scored.
2) If a batsman hits the ball and it rolls to the edge of the oval playing field without a fielder stopping it, then it is classed as 4 runs.
3) If a batsman hit ball out of the oval field without it touching the ground, then it is classed as 6 runs.
4) If the ball hits the batsmans leg and runs off, the batsmen can run for another run score, this is know as a 'leg by'.
5) If a bowler bowls a 'no ball', when either said bowler crosses bowling line or bowls incorrectly, then the batsmen get 1 run given to them.

Fuck me this is hard to explain!

Anyway. Before the tecnicallities(sp), here is a nice site that explains the fielding positions of the defending/fielding team.
http://www.alfold-cricket-club.org.uk/Positions/cricket_fielding.htm
The fielding team has to try to bowl the other team out or stop the other team from scoring.

Bowling.
There are generally three types of bowlers:
Fast bowler. These folk can bowl a ball at you so fast that by the time you realise whats happening, the ball has knocked you out.
Medium pace. These bowlers bowl a lot slower that the quickies but they can move the ball about better.
Spin bowlers. These chaps are very slow bowlers but they have the advantage of putting spin on the ball, thus making it hard for the batter to prempt where said ball is going.

Each bowler bowls an 'Over'. Each over comprises of six bowls at a batsman. An over is marked as a digit on the scoreboard with the corresponding batsmans score next to it, eg 4 - 12. This means that said bowler has bowled 4 overs and a score of 12 was made from the bowls. If a bowler bowls his over and the batsmen score nothing, then the bowler has bowled a 'Maiden over'. Many joke accompany this saying.
A bowler can also bowl more thaqn the stated six balls if he
1) Bowls wide. This is where the ball goes out of the imaginary boundaries of the batsmans reach, the bowler has to bowl another ball to recover the over.
2) No ball. As stated above, if bowler bowls a dodgy ball outside of his bowling line, or an illegal bowl, then said bowler has to re-bowl.

I'm 7/10ths pissed now and have reached the point of self confusion as to how to explain LBW's, Drawn matches when one team is 200 runs ahead of the other, afternoon tea, stand in runners, Stumping, aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh.

[Kd]

LBW = Leg Before Wicket. If a ball is bowled and it hits the batter in the leg, then the batter is out. Obviously, they weren't standing correctly, and blocking the wicket (nasty batter, eh).

Stumping = Touching your bat to the ground after completing a run.

Afternoon tea = erm, afternoon tea. With cake, or scones.

At least, that's the general idea I got of it.

[The Doctor]

Originally posted by Aga, in another thread:

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Blighty has several severals of different accents, ranging from Geordie (Newcastle area), Scouse (Liverpool), Yorkshire (Leeds, Sheffield), Mancurian (Manchester), Brummie (Birmingham), West country (Bristol), Cornish (Cornwall, Devon), Flat Lands (Norfolk, Suffolk), Cockney (London) and proper English (Like what the Royals speak).

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Could any of you immitate the various accents, or tell me famous persons or characters who speak with them? I know what Proper English Sounds like, as I do cockney, and I have heard The Beatles speak, which, I am assuming, is what "Scouse" sounds like. I have probably heard the rest at one time or another but would never be able to assign the above names to them.

[The Doctor]

Oh, yes, I forgot: Also, do any of you know where I can watch cricket matches online? Preferrably live, but I really doubt I'd be able to do that (at least for free) as the channel has already bought the rights to air it. (I only said "online" as I surely have not seen them aired in the states on the telly.)

[The Doctor]

As for cricket, I thought that, unlike baseball, the bowling is the chance to get big points. What's the scoop on that?

Also, let's say that on the first bowl of the over, the batsmen score one run. Does the bowler continue to bat to the first batsman, or now bowl to the 2nd batsman who is now at the first side of the wicket?

Also, how do the bowlers rotate? What causes one bowler to "retire", so to speak?

[Skellum]

Originally posted by sk:

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can someone explain rugby?

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Briefly, it's similar to American Football but the players may only pass the ball backward, unlike one of the main plays in Football, although they may kick the ball forward.

The object of the game is to score tries (similar to touch downs) by running into the "end-zone" and touching the ball on the ground. Tries can be converted for extra points by kicking the ball through the posts. Points can also be made by kicking through the posts in normal play.

If a "foul" occurs (ball thrown forward, ball dropped and then picked up, etc) the sides "scrum" - the forward players of each side form a defined group similar to a huddle, the ball is thrown into the centre of the group. The sides then push against each other and use their feet to get the ball back onto their side. At the back of the scrum a player know as the scrum-half stands ready to recieve the ball. (He's similar to the quarterback). When the ball emerges from the scrum, the scrum-half passes it backwards to a team mate who tries to run through the opposition or passes it to another player.

Players may tackle each other, and even if the ball is brought to ground from a tackle, play continues. Another player may pick up the ball and run.

If the ball leaves the playing field on the sides, a "line-out" takes place. Forward-players form opposing lines and another player throws the ball into the field, in the direction of the line. Players jump to catch the ball and pass it back to the scrum-half. Play proceeds as above.

To me, the play flows better than football and it seems more of a rougher game but perhaps football has more strategy.

Originally posted by The Doctor:

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Also, let's say that on the first bowl of the over, the batsmen score one run. Does the bowler continue to bat to the first batsman, or now bowl to the 2nd batsman who is now at the first side of the wicket?

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The bowler now bowls to the 2nd batsman. This sometimes causes batsmen to not look for a second run, or hold back on a second run, if there is a weak and strong batsmen.

Originally posted by The Doctor:

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Also, how do the bowlers rotate? What causes one bowler to "retire", so to speak?

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As far as I know, any bowler can bowl as many non-consecutive overs as he wants to, but I'm not sure.

[ChienFou]

Bowler rotation: What you have to realise is that the game stops every couple of hours for lunch tea or stumps (Pull the stumps up at end of the day). now it's possible for about 35 overs to be bowled in a session, so a bowler, particularly a fast bowler, will typically bowl about 8 overs and then take a break until the next session. It's normal to rotate your bowlers a bit so, again typically, there will be 4 bowlers in the session. We're a mean lot and instead of chucking the ball into the crowd after each pitch, we have to make it last all day. As the ball gets older it gets softer and doesn't fly as well, so fast bowlers usually bowl with the ball when it's new, to get maximum pace, and the spin bowlers use it when it's older as it wil turn in the air and off the pitch better. Spin bowlers can bowl pretty much all day as their delivery run up is three strides and they bowl the ball with a huge flight. (Wipes tear from eye; Underwood 17-17-0-0) Fast bowlers and baseball pitchers achieve about the same speed; a tad under 100 mph. medium pacers bowl much as a knuckle ball pitcher would, a lot of movement in the air.

To give an idea of the importance of cricket in its own bizarre way, they once interrupted the National news to announce that Underwood had made his first 1st class 100 (he was a specialist bowler and seldom scored many runs)

Hope this helps. say aga old bean, why don't we go see a Kent match one day? 'twould be l33t.

[The Doctor]

Thanks! It does help! Sounds like Bridge is a whole lot easier, though!

So how do the batsmen rotate? Every 6 runs or something? [edit]Oh, of course. I'd bet it's that they get tagged with the ball?[/edit] And I seem to remember reading somewhere that one gets points for knocking over the three stakes at the end of the wicket or the bail on top of it. What's all this about?

[This message has been edited by The Doctor (edited 02-21-2004 12:56 PM).]

[Skellum]

Batsmen rotate when one of them is played "out". A new batsman replaces the "out" batsman, unless all eleven have batted - then the whole side is out, and the other side bats.

A batsman can be out for the following:

- The bowler knocks the bails off the stumps (this is what you're asking about - it doesn't count for points, but rather towards the bowlers statistics - 2 for 11 means the bowler got two batsmen out for eleven points, sort of like baseball's RBI)

- The batsman hits the ball in the air and it is caught before it lands

- The ball hits the batsman's leg and was on it's way to hitting the stumps - see kd's L.B.W. explanation (LBW requires the umpire's judgement)

- The batsman is running and someone "stumps" him by touching the ball to the stumps that he is trying to reach

I think that's all of them but I might be forgetting one.

[ChienFou]

Ways of getting out:

Bowled: the bowler hits the wicket with the ball he's bowled down the pitch to the facing batsman (wicket=three stumps upright, with two short bits of wood balanced across the top calld bails) and the bails fall off

Stumped: the catcher behind the wicket takes the bails off with the ball in his hand while the batsman is in front of his mark (about 4 feet in front of the wicket)

Caught: per baseball, no in-field fly-ball rule (a tip to the catcher is an out, not a strike)

Run-out: fieldsman throws ball at wicket and bails fall off while batsman is between the wicket while trying to run. Not dis-similar to a force-out. (Very occasionally a bowler stops in his delivery stride and catches the batsman at the non-striking end past his mark and knocks the bails off at the bolwers end - batsman try to steal too )

Hit wicket: treads on the wicket and the bails fall off - rare but does happen when he overbalances.

handles ball: a batsman may not touch the ball with his hand

hit ball twice: illegal, unless the second stroke is made to stop the ball hitting his wicket

leg before wicket: blocking the path of the ball to the wicket with any part of his body except the arms up to the elbows and the bat

timed out: failing to reach the batting position within 3 minutes of the last dismissal.

Aga might be able to think of more, but I seem to think it is 9 ways.

[Aga]

I'm sure Gatting once brought up the forgotten subject of 'Dismissal through bad sportsmanship/behaviour' back when he had a pop at umpire Shakoor Rana in Pakistan.
Forgive me if I'm wrong but I remember Rana refused to take the field the next day unless Gatting apologised. This brought the dismissal subject up about sending a player off through bad conduct/behaviour. To my knowledge I have known of none this has happened to, but I think the possibility is still there as an MCC rule.
If so, then it's 10 ways to be dismissed.

[Aga]

Originally posted by Doc:

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Could any of you immitate the various accents, or tell me famous persons or characters who speak with them?

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I've searched the web for wavs etc of Blighty regional accents, and found none.

For a good tv prog which covers most of the main accents of Blighty, I recommend "Auf Wiedersehen, Pet". In it you have 3 blokes playing Geordies, 1 Brummie, 1 Scouse, 1 West country, 1 Cockney and a Scot.
To narrow it down to actual folk who are well known over here for their regional accents, I would list:
Jimmy Nail - Geordie
Geoff Boycott (Cricketer, retired but commentates) - Yorkshire
Any member of the band Oasis - Mancurian (Manchester)
Jasper Carrot - Brummie
Jethro (Commedian) - West Country/Somerset
Vicky Entwistle, Sally Whittaker (from the Blighty soap 'Coronation Street' or Robbie Williams - Lancashire

Apart from that, I could try to mimic said accents on a sound file for you

For the live cricket question, try here:
http://www.cricinfo.com/

...here:
http://www.cricinfo.com/livevideo/

And here:
http://www.willow.tv/EventMgmt/DemoClip.asp

The second one gives a good demo of a televised cricket game.



[This message has been edited by Aga (edited 02-21-2004 09:26 PM).]

[The Doctor]

Wow! This is great! Thanks, everybody!

Originally posted by ChienFou:

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Caught: per baseball, no in-field fly-ball rule (a tip to the catcher is an out, not a strike)

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So, if I understand this, the ball is sort of lobbed in the air by the bat and the catcher catches it?

And can a batsman block the wicket with any part of his body after he's hit the ball when running back to the wicket, or does he still have to use his bat/fore-arms?
Also, how does the play end if the catcher can always knock the bails off the wicket?

Yes! Aga, definitely make a sound clip or movie of your impressions! That would be spiffing!
And thanks for the links, old boy. I'll check those out!

I am also thinking of adding BBC America to my channel line-up. Does anyone know if they broadcast any cricket matches on that channel? I would doubt it, as cricket can take all day, no?
Well, if worse comes to worse, I'll just have to pack up and move to England, eh?

[Kd]

*looks at the vast amount of sporting info that has appeared in my absence*

Wow. Yay, everyone. And thankyou.

Oh, and Doc... yes, you should move here. Cricket's usually on Channel 4 here.

[The Doctor]

Oh, I am definitely moving there at some point. Rest assured. It's only a matter of when...

[Kd]

*gasp*

YAY! Sooner rather than later, I hope.

[The Doctor]

Heh, thanks, Kd.

Bump!

[Duphrates]

Contrary to what Aga says, it's Mancunian not Mancurian.