Momentary lapse of any brain function whatsoever.

[HyToFry]

I used to work in a movie theater, and you wouldn't belive how many people answered, "enjoy your movie" with "you too."

The only devoid of logic that I can think of, I do quite often. When I fill up my car, it usually runs about 11 or 12 bucks (I don't run it 'till empty). One time, it automatically shut off at $11.57 in gas, and, without thinking, I said to my friend, "wow... it stopped just three cents shy of twelve bucks." saddly neither of us realized my error until it read $11.60. [=

[edit: by "I do quite often" I mean that I confuse the base system of time with the base ten system of our math. ]

[This message has been edited by HyToFry (edited 02-13-2003 11:51 AM).]

[firemeboy]

Like when you think 'quarter past 3:00' is really 3:25

[Digglu]

witness my stupidity:
-on a few occasions, i've poured a bowl of cereal and milk and then put the cereal box in the fridge (it normally goes into the opposite cupboard), leaving the milk out on the counter.
-last year i had a microwave and a fridge in my dorm room, with the microwave on top of the fridge. i'd often start reheating pizza, and talk online while i waited. after i heard the beep from the microwave, i'd immediately go and open the fridge thinking the pizza was in there (then close it, slap myself and take it out of the microwave).

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"You may make no sense, but at least you're enthusiastic about it"

[Quailman]

I'm sure I'm the only one here who has been listening to his recorded voicemail and interrupted the speaker to respond to him. This is probably more likely to occur to someone who frequently uses a speakerphone in his office.

[luminous]

Everyone here has experienced the "where is it?" when you're holding it or it's right in front of you. It's gotten so bad with me that I've got to have large, bright and fuzzy things on my keyring so I see my keys and stuff. Though I still manage to overlook them, like this morning. Ffft.

[Moose]

I have glasses but when I'm reading something (like a book) at a short distance it looks the same whether I have my glasses on or off. My eye doctor tells me to take off my glasses when I'm reading. so the other day I'm reading a book and I realize I should take my glasses off. So I reach up to take them off and there's nothing to take off! They're on my bed next to me.

One time I went to school without my glasses.

I went through a phase where, often when I was going to prepare some cereal, I would open the cupboard and take out a glass.

I vaguely remember something like this (although i could be misremembering): I went to put salt on my food and instead grabbed my glass and poured water on my plate. smart Then I burst out laughing, saying, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe i just did that!"

[One Skunk Todd]

Always be sure and unload your guns BEFORE you take them off the firing line at the range.

Also, make sure your pilot can tell the difference between 5 hours and 30 minutes worth of fuel and 5.3 hours worth of fuel.

[Pablo]

Once I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang. Without thinking, I place the iron to my ear and said, "Hello".

After I got the pain under control, I decided to call the doctor, so I picked up the iron again, and ............

OK OK, the part about calling the doctor isn't true. As a matter of fact, I lied about the first part too. It was a waffle iron, yeah, that's it.

[HyToFry]

I heard it "then the sonabitch called back!"

[UnheardVoice]

I always like to eat chips and salsa whenever we have them at home. Our salsa usually comes in one of those giant plastic milk-carton-size containers, so that if we wanted to "shake well", we'd had to shake somewhat forcefully.

One day, I've got the chips out and the salsa out, and I had opened the salsa and began to pour it when I looked inside and saw that I was going to get mostly juice, because I hadn't shaken it yet. So I placed the lid back on and shook the container. Of course, if it was really a milk-carton, then a simple press would have sealed the container; for this container, though, you had to twist the top first if you wanted the lid to be tight...

[VinnyQ]

After the one time I locked my key in my truck with the engine still running, I immediately went and made a copy of the key and hid it somewhere in the truck's bed. I have never been locked out of my truck since then ... smart me ... except the one time when I did get locked out, miles from home, at a friend's place bright and early in the morning ... and I ended up having to get a screw driver and removed the entire truck bed to get to the key cuz it slided right down to an unreachable place.

I know a friend who likes to talk to characters on the TV while she's watching. It's quite funny. It's not just screaming commentaries like "watch out!" or "he's a lying sonofabitch!", she actually has conversations: "... dont be silly, you know that's not true ... ... okay okay, sorry, I didnt understand what you said ... " =)


I have brought empty glasses back to patrons on several occasions while waiting tables at Applebees. I remember some of the weirdest looks from those moments.


and a raise of hands, how many here has tried wiping the razor clean of hair after shaving, with their fingers?

*raises hand timidly* (once! i learned my lesson ...)




[This message has been edited by VinnyQ (edited 02-13-2003 05:51 PM).]

[Vegtable2001]

After playing GTA VC for too long, sometimes when i want to look behind me, I get the urge to press the R3 Button. This generally lasts no more than a week if i only play the game once or twice.

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Flame Away

[Lilifreid]

I leave my apartment, go down the hall to the elevator, push the call button get on the elevator, push the floor button. Doors close, elevator does not move. Upset, I push the button again. Still no movement, but the doors open back up. Now I'm really ticked at the stupid machine. I push the button repeatedly, waiting for the door to close again. It does, but still no movement. I go to push the button again... then realize I'm pushing the button for the floor I'm on.

I only did this once (so far) at least.

[Borodog]

Ok, this is uber bad, because it was observed by literally thousands of people.

My second semester in college, my roommate had dropped out of school, and I had the room to myself. Well, my girlfriend, who lived in a suite down the hall, would stay over. She had this semicircular lavender headband that she would use to keep her hair out of her face when she washed her face at night. I had an early morning math class, like 8:05am. So one day I'm running late (can you see it coming?), and I decide to just wash my face. I have long hair which I usually put back in a ponytail (even longer back then). So I used Jennifer's lavender headband to keep my hair out of my face while I washed up. I completely forgot about the headband, and proceeded to walk all the way across campus wearing this, excuse the expression, completely fagotty pink-purple headband. I only discovered it when I walked into class and my buddy Kevin cracked up.

I saw a girl walking across campus once with an ankle-length skirt . . . tucked into the back of her panties, and I thought of my little episode, and I let her know.


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Insert humorous sig here.

[Termital]

I was playing a board game that had a very large die. I was also drinking some orange juice at the time. I rolled the half-full glass onto the board as I brought the die to my lips. Carpet washing was the worst part of it.

[This message has been edited by Termital (edited 02-13-2003 08:13 PM).]

[Quailman]

I've only locked my keys in my car once that I can recall. I must have had something else on my mind. It was at my wedding reception. We discovered it when it was time to depart.

[Chuck]

At work many moons ago our 286 desktop computer's monitor died. Being obsolete anyway, we replaced the system by taking away the keyboard and putting a 386 notebook computer in its place. For days I kept putting floppy disks into the 286's disk drive and watching programs complain about read errors on drive A:.

I guess I haven't been absentminded since the eighties. At least not that I remember. If I think of any more I'll post them. Or maybe I'll post this one again.

In a chess game I was playing my opponent had his king a few pawns left. I forget what I had, but I was stopping his pawns from promoting by keeping his king in check. Eventually I had his king cornered, not in check but unable to move. He then said "Ha! Stalemate", picked up the board, and dumped all the pieces back into the box. Then he realized he could have moved a pawn and said "I guess I just resigned". It was my most brilliant chess victory ever.

[Lucresia]

Originally posted by mikegoo:

---

Oh...got one...while reading a book or magazine on some ocassions my eyes will flow from word to word, line to line just as if I'm reading and I will reach the bottom of the page and realize I have no idea what I've just "read". I'm usually off on a tangent in my head thinking about something brought up on a previous page, but my brain forgets to tell the rest of me to stop reading since it isn't paying attention anymore.

---

I do that so often, it's horrible! hehe.

[Digglu]

Originally posted by Vegtable2001:

---

After playing GTA VC for too long, sometimes when i want to look behind me, I get the urge to press the R3 Button. This generally lasts no more than a week if i only play the game once or twice.

---

sorta the same for me...for about a week after playing it a lot when i was walking to someplace i'd be thinking "why am i walking? there's a perfectly good car parked right there..."

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"You may make no sense, but at least you're enthusiastic about it"

[MacadamiamaN]

I sometimes think that in real life while walking down the street... NO! Video games do not induce violence!

[This message has been edited by MacadamiamaN (edited 02-13-2003 11:08 PM).]

[wordcross]

I love racing games, and my current favorite is 1NSANE racing which is pretty damned realistic for 32 bits, and the vehicles will still go after you run them off a cliff and smash the front end into a metal plate. Every once in a while i get the urge to run my car off a hill (we don't really have cliffs around here). Even more often i have the urge to race around curves at high speeds... which i do quite often. I've been driving for 5 years now... I just got my first ticket a few days ago. It was coming eventually. I'm just surprised it took this long (incidentally, it was only 79 in a 55, so i wasn't going over 100 or anything. Still too fast...)

[Death Mage]

You have no idea how many times I've had to stop myself from taking a racing line around corners after playing Gran Turismo 3. And the urge to floor it coming out of the corners.... oh man.

[The Levite]

Now here's a lapse of brain function for you...

I happen to be in my schools show choir, and every year we have to go to 2 competitions. Now, it's important to remember that our choir is famous for our "split-second" changes. So...after my deft switching of outfits througout the show, we finally reached a relatively calm sceen where we had a minute or so to change into a dress shirt and a vest. So, there I am tucking my shirt into my pants (we were in dress pants) and was about to zip up my fly when...tada I noticed that the zipper tab had gotten stuck at the bottom of the zipper seam where I couldn't get to it, thus preventing me from zipping up my pants. Now at first I wasn't worried after all I had quite a while to change I figured that I would be able to get the zipper tab out by the time we had to go on...the irony gods must have something against me. That thing might as well have been superglued to the inside of that seam. So here I am wrestling with my zipper, and everyone else is gathered around the stage waiting to go on. And then, a light shone out from heaven and bathed me in a golden light, and whilst the heavenly chorus sang, miraculously my zipper came free just in time for me to zip up my fly and run out there to do my dance in from of 1000+ people. Unfortunately, as I ran out for my dance on stage I didn't know it, but, my vest still lay peacefully in it's box, unused, untouched, unsulied, and unabashed I contiued on, not a care in the world, totally oblivious. To this day I still don't know how I escaped from that place alive.

[Eykir]

All of my stupid actions would take the entire server space of this bulletin board to list. If Elayne wants, I'll let her detail a few of mine, since she'd make a much better storyteller than I do.

[JediSoop]

I think it's time we start nominations for the GL member who suffers the worst bouts of brain function loss.

My Nominations:

3rd Place
Lillifried's elevator adventures

2nd Place
Moose's soggy plate

1st Place
*drumroll*
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The esteemed thread starter himself, firemeboy


For the most embarassing moment booby prize,
it's a toss up between Borodog's princess hair and Dan's naked lockouts.

[wordcross]

3rd: Lili in the elevator.
2nd: Pablo "fixing" the sink
1st: Courk and her VCRs

I agree with the most embarassing ones that Button just gave .

[MacadamiamaN]

Pablo's was very, very funny

[robichelli]

Mine is sort of funny:

Sometimes me and my geek friends will say goodbye by saying "May the Force Be With You". So one lovely monday, after going to church for the first time in three months, my friend says "May the Force Be With You" and I naturally say: "And also with you"

[firemeboy]

My kids and I play 'doggie'. They are the kid dogs, and I'm the daddy dog. I've gotten in the habbit of calling them by thier names, followed with the word 'dog'. Or sometimes just 'dogs'. I was exiting the library the other day and they were lagging behind. I called out, "hurry up dogs, we've got to get going."

Several patrons walking in gave me a weird look.

[HyToFry]

I have a cordless drill/flashlight/other power tools combo kit. They all share one battery, and it has an adapter that I can plug in to the wall to power them from AC. One day the power went out, and everyone was looking for flashlights (there are A LOT of people at my parent's house at any givin time--about 15). I remembered that my kit had a flashlight and proceeded to get it out. Swell.

After a while, the battery went dead, so I proceeded to grab the AC adapter and get it all pluged in. It finally clicked in my mind as to why it wasn't working when I noticed everyone staring at me like I'd flipped my coo coo.

And don't even get me started about light switches when the power is out.

[HyToFry]

Also, and I do this too often, I'll find a bug in a program that I'm debugging (usually for the GL) and I'll go to test it, but find that the bug is still there. After trying a few times, I'll realize that I do in fact need to upload the script to the GL before I can test it.

[Moose]

the other day i found a box of granola bars in the freezer. The work of my adorable mother she's had a lot on her mind lately as she's trying to get national board certification for being a french teacher.

one time i couldn't figure out what was wrong with my blasted tape player i check the plug, the tape... the volume happened to be turned down all the way.

my brother takes very quietly and sometimes when we're in the car my mom reaches for the volume control to turn up his voice!

[Moose]

5{\0\0\0\0\0\0\0\0ppreciate the nomination, soop

I think fmb and porro and lili should get nominations too I laughed out loud at porro's. hilarity.


oooh i just thought of another one.

ok...so at a math meet one time...it was a team round and groza was doing this algebra problem. and he was finally getting down to uncomplicating it and he comes out all victorious saying "x equals x!"

another funny math team story is when there was this complicated problem and my friend actually figured it out and the answered was 3 cubed. The problem was that she wrote down 31. To this day we still tease her about that. "3 cubed is 31!"

[This message has been edited by Moose (edited 02-14-2003 04:36 PM).]

[Death Mage]

The one that sticks out most in my mind is my mother.

One day, many years ago, I was eagerly awaiting my upcoming birthday so I'd be elagable to get the almighty learner's permit to drive. So I asked my mom how soon I'd be able to take it. She responded: "What? You're not even twelve!" So I replied: "Mom! I'm almost sixteen!!". Appearently, my brother was also "twelve years old" for about six years of his life...

[Courk]

Originally posted by wordcross:

---

I've been driving for 5 years now

---

My initial reaction to this was, "Who lets their kids drive at 11?!?" Heh.

[wordcross]

um... you've seen my picture, yes? I mean, i can somewhat understand that SaberKitty thought i was 35 (I had been joking about it in chat) but 16?

[Dragon Phoenix]

One from Bambi:
After a long photoshop session, she went downstairs and started to paint. She did not particularly like a stroke, and she told me she was looking for the 'undo' button.

[wordcross]

BUZZ! I already used that one!

wait... this isn't the rules game? dammit, wrong thread AGAIN! Where is my mind today?

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All things equal, fat people are harder to kidnap.
I don't suffer from Insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

[Aarondalf]

I dont know about being funnily (is that a word?) stupid, but I sure am stupidly stupid. Here are a few that I can remember.

Been to the supermarket twice wearing only boxers.

Once I got out my cereal box and milk and bowl, then proceded to pour the milk into the cereal box, rather than the bowl. In my stubborness I made myself finish the whole box of cereal (it was full).

I was doing a maths test which was rather easy. I thought I got 100% but I got back my result, and it was only 98%. What did I get wrong? Lets just say that 2 times 3 is NOT 5. I had another test the week after, and again had a question which involved 2x5 (no that wasnt the whole question). I thought to myself "you arent going to fool me this time!". So I used my calculator just to make sure that 2x3=6. My result for that test was 98% again. "Shit, what did I do wrong THIS time?". Apparently 2x3 still equals 5 in my world.

I had an early class at university one time. For breakfast before class I ate 3 apples (and other stuff) and my friend told me that I would turn into an apple if I kept it up. To remind me of my inevitable apple transformation she put the apple sticker on my head. That night at a takeaway shop I was chatting up a girl while waiting for the food. After about 10 mins talking she says: "You do realise you have an apple sticker on your forehead, right?" Talk about smooth. =^_^=

How to eat a banana - By Aaron.
Peel banana, throw away fruit part, take a bite out of peel...

Sitting in class at uni:
My leg was at an odd angle and suddenly I get this weird sensation in my thigh. Me: "Cramp, cramp!". I hobble into the hallway and get my friend to stretch my leg for me. Thats when I realised that my phone was in my pocket and on silent vibrating alert. I had a missed call...

The power of three:
I was restless at night because my mum was still awake, so I go to the kitchen and take a swig of apple juice. It was foul! I tell my mum and she says it should be fine. She takes a swig and spits it out. Horrible for her too. My little bro grant then wakes up from the commotion and takes a sip. He thinks its awful too. We pour it out and leave the bottle on the kitchen bench and go back to sleep. The empty Vegetable Oil bottle that we found in the morning sure explained alot. =^_^=

[HyToFry]

2x5=10. Maybe that's why you got 98%.

I always have a hard time with street signs that show (and not say) no [left|right] turns. I keep thinking that they are the [left|right] turn only signs. Messes me up big time.

Sometimes I'll yell at people (most recently KaT) to shut up when I'm half awake and half asleep... totally ignorning the fact that she's sound asleep and only screaming at me in my half dream.

I can't count the number of times I've filled my office with the horrible stench that is burnt microwave popcorn... well... I can... three.