Culture Shock

[Purgation]

I'm not sure whether any of you remember me, but I used to play quite a lot of mafia in these forums... and now, after 6 months hiatus, I am back!

Where have I been all this time?

Well, in January earlier this year, I was granted the oppurtunity to further my studies in the UK. I'm actually from Malaysia, but due to my good results in the SPM examinations (which is similar to the GCSE's, but a slightly higher level) I managed to get a scholarship from a college in Northampton to study A-levels there.

So how is this all relevant to my topic?

When I went to the UK, I was expecting many things. Making British friends, for one. I am generally quite a sociable person and back in Malaysia I had friends from various cliques whom I could get along easily with. However, I was sorely disappointed when the local students there could not understand my English and neither could I understand theirs! Even the teachers, whom I assumed were familiar in dealing with foreign accents (the college had a 1:1 local to international studnets ratio) often asked me to repeat myself. Luckily for me I could understand what the teachers were saying in class.

Language was not the only barrier. The general intelligence level of the local population of students was lower than my expectations. It was like hedonism was the rule of the place. Clubbing, partying, public displays of affection (ie, public kissing & hugging) were all new to me. As you can imagine I felt quite out of place. I thought college was the place where intellectual discourse could take place, but...

So now, here I am, back in Malaysia for another 2 months for the summer holidays. Tell me what I did wrong! How do I make friends with people whose culture is so alien to me? Is it wrong to link hedonistic behaviour to sub-par intellect? Or was I just looking in the wrong places?

[Fried Egg]

The standards of the British education system has slipped quite considerably over the years and now (although I am shamed to admit it) no longer lives up to it's reputation that it aquired in the past.

Many students do live quite hedonistic lifestyles these days but not all. Unfortunately for you, these are the ones, by definition, that you are most likely to meet.

I imagine that, once you get to meet some people, you're English will improve and you will find it easier to understand what they are saying too.

I'm sure there are like minded indivuduals in your college, but they might be hard to find!

[Kd]

Hey, which college in Northampton? Because I'm going to one this year...

First thing: You didn't do anything wrong at all. I doubt that anyone is trying to force you to accept our cultural differences and make you comply to their behaviour at all, and if they are, then I find that selfish. Everyone has a right to their own culture and morals, and everyone has the duty to respect everyone else's.

I'd like to congratulate you on getting good results in your SPMs. If they're a slightly higher level than the GCSEs then you've done exceptionally well compared to most UK students. I'm ashamed to say that the majority of us are incredibly lucky to get more than 2 or 3 A grades at GCSE level, sometimes due to our laid-back attitude to examinations, sometimes due to the appaling way our exam papers are treated by the marking boards.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that just because we seem hedonistic doesn't mean we're any less intelligent and sensible. Mind you, if you were to talk to any British student about colleges being places for intellectual discourse, you'd be on your own. The young people of the UK have a blatant dislike for their education system (sure, we want to learn, we just hate the process). Clubbing and partying are the most popular options for bored students looking for fun. I'm not saying you should go along with this at all, I personally don't plan to end up completely drunk and tied to a lamppost every evening, but for us it's a way of escaping the relative sedate and challenging atmosphere of study.

It's not wrong to link hedonism and lack of intellect, exactly, because that is admittedly how it appears, but it is somewhat of a false assumption when considering a majority. Out of a group of, say, 10 people at a nightclub, it's fair to say that at least 4 to 6 of them will be quite intelligent.

As smart as I hope I am, I have no idea why making friends is difficult for you, or why people fail to understand you. Your English looks perfectly fine to me, and even though I'm partial to a good party and I see nothing wrong with public displays of affection, I'd love to get to know you better.

[Quailman]

Some Many people are pretty closed-minded when it comes to meeting people from different cultures or backgrounds. In graduate school, I had a neighbor from Indonesia whom I never would have met had he not been my neighbor. Then, through him, I met more and more foreign, primarily Asian, students. I ended up becoming really good friends with a Malaysian guy (from Kuala Terrengganu). As he met my classmates, it was easy to tell who wasn't comfortable around people from other cultures and who was. I'd say it was a 50-50 split.

I got to know a Japanese guy really well, too. He was married and didn't socialize as much, and he hadn't really gotten to know any of the students there in over a year. But his English was lousy. A friend of mine and I helped him work on his R's and suggested that he speak English at home with his wife, and in no time it improved significantly - at least enough that people didn't mind talking to him any more.

Hang in there and keep trying. And remember, it's not necessarily that you're from a different country. There are probably people at your same school who came from Bornemouth or Brighton and are having the same issues.

BTW, I only heard it second hand from a couple of women, but I understand Malaysian guys are, you know, 'gifted'. Is that true?

[rlp]

You've been going to Northampton? Nice. Congratulations on the good results in your SPM's, too

Yah, a lot of UK students are like that. I go to a language college, and the attitude here isn't that different. You didn't do anything wrong, and I wouldn't worry about having to repeat yourself so much. I'm British, I'm not entirely fond of the current student attitude, and I end up repeating things a lot. My opinion is that people here just don't listen well, or virtually all students here are afflicted with hearing problems.

Basically, Kd said all that I was going to, before I got a chance to.
She's completely right.

[mudster]

Oi Purge. Shouldn't you be having fun with your friends IRL?

I mean look at me! I'm an insane guy with pyro tendencies. AHEAHEHeAHEHEHaaahEHEH. And I have lotsa friends. But they wear this wierd white uniforms and always ask me to play tag.

*Note: I'm his brother

[HyToFry]

*learns something new everyday*

It's a good thing purg didn't get accepted at a college in the states. [=

[This message has been edited by HyToFry (edited 07-23-2003 12:06 PM).]

[Purgation]

Thanks for the advice... I'll continue on trying to make friends. Oh, Kd, the college that I've been attending is called Bosworth Independent College, ever heard of it?

Quailman, I honestly think that you are terribly mistaken.

[Antrax]

~remembers, etc~
Antrax

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Bah, I don't believe in anything

[ctrlaltdel]

hey similar over here!

i just did a year exchange program in newcastle university, UK. before i did all my studies in slovakia, except for a year on an american highschool.

(which was ok, i did absolutely nothing the whole year and ended up graduating from the highschool, only to come back and having to do two more years at a slovak highschool. not that i technically couldn't skip right to college, i just didn't know enough of anything to pass any acceptance tests for our universities. blah @ american public highschool standards)

so anyway i was here in uk for a year of postgrad architecture. sooo, lemme tell ya...

6 flatmates sharing a flat - 2 spanish, a chinese, a belgian, a nigerian, and me
3 lecturers - one english, one italian, one nigerian
16 classmates - 2 greek, 1 saudi, 1 norwegian, 1 indian, 2 bangladeshi, 4 sudanese, 1 german, 1 irish, 1 spanish, 1 chinese and me

eh.. english??? no sir. besides the english professor hated my and the german's guts. (this was a class i shared with more english students for one term.) he hated my guts for good reasons i was butt lazy, but he hated the german just because his architecture was so completely 'wrong' in his eyes. and he didn't like the hongkongese just because. but the english told me not to worry he has issues with everyone, that one is from sheffield, that one is too tall, that one is a smartass, issues with anybody and everybody.

as far as students at the uni in general, the first years, first and second years were like crazy you're right. acting like a bunch of kids first time on their own with their own (tuition) money in their pockets and livin a 'big' city (i imagine most of them really were).

but the older ones were fine, especially postgrads. people that have actually been somewhere and done something. but it's like that everywhere. i ended up being friends mostly with the internationals, cause we were 'on the same boat', but i played icehockey on a team and made some english friends as well.

here's a suggestion, when you're going to a school somewhere far and foreign, do yourself a big favor and find an activity which is NOT school-bound. meeting local people beats listening to drunk 1st year students from all over the country trying to sing, trust me.

[Antrax]

And having read the original post, two points:
a) bah, people keep asking me to repeat myself in my native tongue, let alone Hebrew =P
And the more serious:
b) Why do you see hedonism as a bad thing? (directed at ctrlaltdel and Fried Egg, too).
Antrax

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Bah, I don't believe in anything

[ctrlaltdel]

1. it clashes with my moral standards
2. people usually try to pursuade me to *see the light* and drop them

if it was either of the two, i'd have no problem. since it usually is both i have a problem. nothing i couldn't live with, but it gets annoying sometimes. since i don't go around pursuading others of the validity and use of my morals, i would expect them to do the same with theirs.

[Antrax]

Okay, since we're clearly being very structured about this:
*WHY* does it conflict with your moral standards? Do you just have a standard that says "hey, don't be hedonistic", or do they violate something else? (if it's the former, obviously the discussion is moot)
Antrax

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Bah, I don't believe in anything

[Kd]

Purg, I have never heard of that college in my entire life... maybe I'm not intelligent enough to be allowed to know about it

I'd like to add: Does hedonism conflict with moral standards, or is it more to do with religion? Or does your religion (or lack of it) define your moral viewpoint?

[ctrlaltdel]

having drinks for the sole purpose of getting drunk, having sex for the sole purpose of pleasing yourself, generally doing stuff that affects you and others just because it's supposed to be 'cool' withouth thinking of consequences or motives is what i believe to be wrong. so uhmm... yeah, i guess the discussion is moot.

edit for kd: i suppose it is partly because of my religion (christian)

[This message has been edited by ctrlaltdel (edited 07-30-2003 05:43 AM).]

[Fried Egg]

Antrax

Did I give the impression that I thought it was morally wrong to be hedonistic? I don't think that's what I said and it's certainly not what I mean.

[The Ktulu]

Ever notice how nearly every movie in the past few years has involved someone who's got morals or maybe they're just boring and then a hedonist comes along and shows them how to live, and that's the whole point of the movie?

Note: I'm not dissing on hedonists or moralistics. In fact, I try to be both. I am, however, dissing on boring people, such as myself.

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Mackay's Dog ate me.