Once again, FMB begs the GL for help...

[firemeboy]

I'd stop asking you all for help, if you weren't so good at it.

I'm working on a new book, and I've got a very old lady who is a bit crazy. She is a dance teacher, and she has written her own square dance actions. I am looking for some funny ones. The meter, if I am correct, is 4-3-4-3, as in...

Swing your partner - 4
Doe-see-doe - 3
Kick your partner - 4
on the toe - 3

However, you can modify that, and do 4-3-3-4 like this:

Swing your partner - 4
Doe-see-doe - 3
stomp your feet - 3
but watch the toe - 4

I'm looking for anything funny, but since this is a young adult book, no swearing, cussing, etc.

Anybody who writes one that I use, gets a free, autographed book, assuming I get it published.
_________________
The difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad.

[firemeboy]

I was thinking, the 4-3-3-4 rhythm doesn't have to be exact. I think as long as it is close, it works. Here is an example of one that doesn't fit it exactly, but you could still call out...

Men look happy
Hug your date
Just don’t squeeze
Or she’ll flatulate
_________________
The difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad.

[Zag]

Of course, you've seen the brilliant Bugs Bunny episode where he calls a square dance? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQAqXLTVvjo
Rats. Some idiot cut this up stupidly, but you can imagine how it was supposed to go if you watch it through twice.

[firemeboy]

That made my night...
_________________
The difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad.

[Trojan Horse]

Well, if we're going to be linking to square dances on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISAA1ih9Ty0

I Love Lucy episode. The Ricardos in Bent Fork, Tennessee.

[Amb]

Reaching up high,
Bend down low,
Kiss your feet
And pass out slow

'lympic gold medal
Go underage
Flex those moves
Tis all the rage

Three one four one
Five nine twi
Six Five Three Five
That is pi

[Trojan Horse]

With that last one, you're probably better off putting the decimal point in. No need to change "two" to "twi".

Three point one four
One five nine
Two six five three
That is pi

[Chuck]

But now it doesn't rhyme.

[referee]

yes, it does. Assonant rhyme.
_________________
Jan 21st, 2008: The pillaging continues.
Mar 4th, 2008: Rest in Peace, Gary Gygax. May your dice always roll a natural 20 wherever you are.

Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

[Chuck]

Everything rhymes with a loose enough definition of rhyming.

[GH]

[Zag]

Flip your partner
Upside-down.
What's she got
beneath that gown?

(If you're making pictures, this could be funny with some giant silly-looking bloomers.)

After a few with the rhythm, I suggest ending with something like this:

Gents step in
the big wash-tub.
Use lots of soap
'Cause you guys stink to high heaven. Peeeee-you!

If the whole thing is long enough, you should break it up in the middle, too.

Kiss your girl
right on the lips.
Then step back and
Hey! I said step back. That's enough now.

[Cousin Banjo]

Dance like a chicken
then turn about
shake your tush
then stick a'tongue out

hands on your hips
wink an eye
clap your hands
kick knees up high

now take your partner
by the wrist
swing them round
then do the twist

swivel on you bottom
then go insane
lay an egg
then start again.................yeeeeehaaaawwwwww!

[Chuck]

Knock your partner
To the floor.
Snatch her purse
Head for the door

[Amb]

[mith]

Not entirely happy with this, but working from the first idea that came to mind after reading "old lady"...

Up with-your hands and
Down on-your knees
Mark your cards
N forty three

[Jack_Ian]

If she's ugly
just outta jail
It could be worse
She could be male

Throw her high
and let her fall
like humpty dumpty
off the wall

Spin 'er fast
an spin 'er slow
If she yells "Stop!"
Jus tell'er "No!"

If you get tired
Don't start to slow
Be like Elvis
Go man! Go!

[Agamemnon]

Who's firemeboy?

[The Ragin' South Asian]

[Jack_Ian]