Four or Less RAF -- It's over!

[raekuul]

Are the dead also held to the law of four or less? I can not give why with this size.

[Poisonium]

I know, it was dumb of me to not go by that rule, but I was in a rush. I may go fix it.
_________________
I tried apt-get install lifebut it only returned E: Couldn't find package life

[Chuck]

When I die I my exit post will not obey the rule. What will he do, kick me out?

[MatthewV]

I may edit your post.

[Chuck]

You will be too late. It will have been seen.

[Undercover Monk]

We will all kill you dead, more dead than dead can be, then when you are dead we will kill you once more to show how dead you are. then we will riot with joy for you are dead. =)
_________________
The Classic Blunders:
1. never get involved in a land war in Asia
2.Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line
3. Never release Peyton Manning

[Chuck]

If I'm dead then I will be out of this game, thus joy will rule my life for ever more.

[Zag]

[raekuul]

Matt, a test then to see if you can keep my why with in the rule of four or less:

PKTA is short for Pokota, which is the persona that I take on when I go into IRC. This particular Pokota comes from an obscure anime by the name of "Hime-chan's Ribbon."

[ralphmerridew]

So, PKTA is a nick name for a lion in a show from Asia with a girl with the name "Hime", who has a twin (from a land like her own, but not the same) who gave her a red bow that will let her take any form that she does want?

[MatthewV]

I am lazy.

And Zag did not get it yet. Oh well. One word made it... uh... through

[Zag]

[raekuul]

[mathgrant]

Turn One, Part Two

“What a bore. I have nil to do!” The Monk said as he heft a sigh. He sat down. “Hmm. . . I want to know what is on the tube. I hope some show will make this day more fun. I'll turn the TV on and find out!” He did so.

Lost was on ABC. “I don't want to see that! Why is that show set on an isle a hit? Next!”

Two and a Half Men was on CBS. “That show and I do not mix. I don't go 'Haha' – I puke.”

The Jay Leno Show was on NBC. “Too much chin for me!”

Monk was on USA. “I like the name,” The Monk said, “but not much else.”

Star Trek was on Syfy. “'Live long and' – bah! Beam me away from that crap!”

The last show was on Fox. “If this one isn't good,” The Monk said, “I'll have to turn the set off.” The show was Glee. “A show with a glee club in Lima, Ohio, and they sing? I like that! This is the show I'll view now!”

“Hey, son,” said the mom of The Monk (AKA The Mom). “I made some corn. Come eat it, or it will get cold.”

“No way, The Mom!” The Monk said. “I like this show much more than food. In fact, I plan to use my DVR to view this show over and over and over all day. I don't need to eat! I have Glee!”

“That isn't a good idea!” The Mom said with a gasp. “You are apt to die if you don't eat food once a day or more!”

“You mean I'll die? Cool!”

“Do what you want, then, son. I'll feed your corn to the cat.”

An hour (or it may have been ten of them) went by. The Monk had a dry maw. “I'm arid! I want some iced tea or the like!” The Monk said. “Wait – I have to see Glee. Glee is more fun than tea. Must. . . see. . . Glee! Must. . . hear. . . show tune. . . over and over!”

An ad for Coca-Cola was then on the TV. “Crap! I was to skip all the ads! Damn you, ad exec!” The Monk then saw a Coke can near him. “Nooo! I want to gulp down the Coke, but that is just a lure, a sin! Only Glee is pure and holy!” He gave the soda pop one more look. “I'll have just one sip. . . No! Bad Monk! I'll have to toss this out. I can't have it.”

At that time, WAX was in the yard of The Monk. “I don't know why I'm here,” WAX said. “Oh, well, I'll just go now.”

BONK! The Coke hit WAX on the head. “Ow! That hurt a lot!” WAX said. “If I get hit on the head one more time, my head will bust open, and I'll die!” Then he got an idea. “I'll just toss this Coke up and have it fall down and hit my head! YAY! Let's die!”

He gave the Coke a toss, but his aim was bad, and it went far, far away. “Bah! Just my luck. I won't ever have that can back.”

“Hey, WAX!” Lex said. “I won two fish at a game at the fair!” The fish were in a bag that one can see into.

“We have a fair?” WAX said. “I had no idea. If I knew a fair was in town, I'd've gone to it to have fun.”

“No, the fair is far, far away, in Salt Lake City, Utah. It's not near here at all.”

“Oh.”

“And look in awe at what this pair of fish can do!”

WAX had a look. The fish sat in one spot. “Ummm. . .”

“Just wait,” Lex said. “It'll take time.”

It took some time, but soon, WAX saw it. “See? See?” Lex said. “They crap gold! Isn't that cool? I'll be rich now, as long as I keep them well fed and don't let them die! Just like that one PC game with the way too long name!”

“That. . . isn't cool at all,” WAX said. “In fact, I'd say it's very icky and foul. Why'd you want to win fish that do that?”

“So I can do this, WAX!” Lex cast the bag at him. “Au!” WAX said. “I mean, ow! The fish that poop gold hurt like heck!”

“The gold has a lot of mass for its size!” Lex said. “That is why it hurt you so much!”

“I'm glad you told me that!” WAX said. “I'm even more glad I'm not dead!”

“What?! Not dead? How the hell is that?”

“It's just an odd law of RAF.”

The new Glee fan The Monk, as he had been for a long time now, was in his seat and in a daze, his eyes on the TV set. “I need to eat,” he said, “to gain back some vim. But I can't! If I get up to get some food, I'll miss this show that I've seen over and over and over! GYAH! What to do?”

An ad was on the TV. “Eat more fish!” said a man. “Eat at Joe's Fish Bar! Fish is the best food ever, dude!”

“I NEED FISH!” The Monk said so loud that kids in Iowa went deaf. “I don't care what kind of fish it is – I'll eat any fish!”

The Monk ran out of the room and went to Joe's Fish Bar. “I want a beer, and a fish.”

“What kind of fish do you like?” Joe at the bar said.

“All of them. Give me any fish! I won't fuss!”

“Any fish, you say?”

“ANY fish!” The Monk said with a nod of his head. “I'll eat it!”

The chef got to work, and made The Monk a fish meal. “Here you go,” Joe said, “one beer, and one fish.”

“YAAY!” The Monk said in glee (get it? Glee? HA HA HA HA HA!). He took a bite out of the fish. “What kind is it?”

“It's fugu!” Joe said. “Isn't it so good?”

“Yay!” The Monk said. “This is so cool! I got to eat a fish that will kill me! I can mark 'kill self' off of my date book!”

Alas, The Monk was soon dead ere he had time to find a pen.

Lex, who had not been able to kill WAX, and who was thus in fear, was on his way home when a man ran up to him and gave Lex a stun. “Hi, Lex!” the man said. “I bet you want to know who I am. I am Mr. Hall.”

“Oh, I know you!” Lex said. “You are that one guy from the one show! Name That Tune, yes?”

“Um, no. Not that show. Try one more time.”

“Oh, I get it! You are the host of Deal or No Deal!”

“Well, you were less off-base this time. I'll just tell you. I'm from Let's Make a Deal.”

“I don't know of that show,” Lex said. “Did it last long?”

“You are soon to be what won't last long, Lex!” Hall said. “I am now a hit man, and grz paid me a huge sum to kill you!”

“AHHH!” Lex said in fear.

“Do you want what is in hand one?” Hall said as he put out his left hand; he had a dirk in it. “Or hand two?” Hand two had a gun.

“I don't know!” Lex said. “I just want to cry! This is such a sad way to go out!”

“Well, duh! This is RAF, for the sake of Pete!”

“Um. . . BOTH!”

“As you wish!” Thus, Lex went out with both a stab and a bang.

“Bwa ha ha!” grz said. “At this rate, I can't lose! The RAF game will be mine!”

“Hey, grz!” mv said. “I want to save up some cash so I can go to Uni, and get a PhD or the like!”

“What does that have to do with me?” grz said.

“Easy – I plan to kill you with it!” mv said. “BWA HA HA! I'm so vile!”

“How will you kill me with a PhD?”

“I won't! I'll kill you with the cash I save! I have a Five Two Nine plan!”

“Five. . . two. . . nine? What the crap do you mean, mv?”

“They got the name, Five Two Nine, from part 529 of the IRS code!” mv said. “Look at the Wiki!”

grz gave the page a look. “Ohhh! I get it now.”

“Yeah. Neat, huh? But the time for chit-chat is over. The time for me to stab you with my Five Two Nine is now!”

“OWWW!” grz said as he bled. “I don't know how you did it, but you cut my skin open with your Five Two Nine!” Soon, he died.

At that time, in some spot far from grz and mv, Pois was on the GL. “I love RAF!” Pois said. “I'll send my move to mg for turn one. Awww, crap! I'm too late! Now I have to buy the farm! Ah, well. I hope I die in an epic way!”

A Coke can fell from the sky and hit Pois on the head. “This isn't epic at all! NOOO!” He fell over and was gone.

The Monk: The Monk will kill the Monk [self] with the TV show Glee!
WAX: self with a coke
Lex: I aim at WAX with my bag of gold fish.
grz: Aim at Lex with a Game Show Host (Let's Make a Deal?)
mv: Die grz, die! I will stab him with a five two nine!!
Pois is dead by the mod.
The Monk, Lex, grz, and Pois die.
_________________
My logic puzzle blog

[grz*]

Alas! I am slai-- er, dead.

[MatthewV]

Mu hah ahah aha!
_________________
He tried to understand a phenomenon by describing and depicting it in utmost detail and did not emphasize experiments or theoretical explanation.

[lexprod]

Oh woe is me to die by Mr. Door one two or....the other.

[raekuul]

Fix that. Word the 4th is over-long, and you did try to keep the rule.

[Undercover Monk]

Well I died far too soon but this game was very fun and also odd in a good way. I will use the new show with Joel Mc Hale next time. It makes me go LOL. Kay Bye Now
_________________
The Classic Blunders:
1. never get involved in a land war in Asia
2.Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line
3. Never release Peyton Manning

[ralphmerridew]

Is this game live or is it dead?

[Zag]

I feel a fool, for I did fail to keep my vow not to join any game run by mg. This is the end, each time.

[MNOWAX]

at least we all are fools. we keep doing this like Alzheimer's patients.

Hey! i see theres a new mg Game up! i think i'll sign up for that!
_________________
The Man The Myth The Legend
MNOWAX

[marcusI]

Lay off mg guys! It can't be easy doin' this.

[Undercover Monk]

it is not easy, as I soon saw when I gave it a shot in the past. it must be hard with the tiny word rule.
_________________
The Classic Blunders:
1. never get involved in a land war in Asia
2.Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line
3. Never release Peyton Manning

[mathgrant]

Turn One, Part Last

Chuk was a huge fan of guns. Guns, in fact, were a big part of his life. Chuk used much of his free time on guns. Thus, he was very glad to be in a game of RAF. “Ahhh, what a fine day!” Chuk said. “A fine day. . . to KILL! GWA HA HA!” Chuk got out his gun. “I will now fire at yon fish in yon fish tank! That is a fun idea, and not a lame idea at all!”

“Wow, fish show up a lot in this game,” Mr. Body said. “We had 'The Old Man and the Sea', then the fugu, and the fish that crap gold. . .”

“Get the crap out of here!” Chuk said. “I don't like you!”

“No one does. . .” Mr. Body said, a tear on his face. “It's my dumb name, isn't it? My dumb last name is why no one will ever like me!”

“Get out of here, or I'll kill you, you clod!” Chuk said. “My gun can fire ammo that can poke a hole into a fish tank! That is some not-at-all-weak ammo! All who see it will be left in awe! And that fish will die, too!”

Chuk shot, but the fish did not die; it ate the ammo that was shot, with no harm done to it. “Mm!” the fish said. “Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm!”

“Holy crap, that was a lot of mm's!” Mr. Body said. “That one soup only gets two mm's and a good.”

“That does it!” Chuk said as he shot Mr. Body dead. “At last, I am rid of him. He was such a pest.”

“Geez,” said game show host Mr. Hall (from the last part, as you may know). “My new line of work as a hit man sure does make me want food! That dead Mr. Body body will feed me for a week! May I have it?”

“Sure you may!” Chuk said. “I hate that guy too much to let him rot in my yard.”

Hall ate part of the body of Mr. Body. “Yum! Now that is what I call good eats!”

“Psst!” Ford said. “Mr. Hall! Come here! I want to hire you to kill!”

“Oh, boy! More cash!” Mr. Hall said. “What is your wish?”

“Hurl on Mac.”

“Hurl what on Mac? A mace? Do you want me to hurl a mace at him?”

“No, hurl on Mac. Like, puke.”

“No prob!” Mr. Hall said. “I can do that! It's easy!”

As Ford told Mr. Hall of his vile plan to kill Mac, Mac also made a plot to kill Mac. “I'll just fire this gun into my ear. It's a dull plan,” he said, “but it'll have to do. I'm such a bore.”

Mr. Hall and Ford were at the home of Mac. “Okay,” Ford said, “how can we make you puke?”

“I know!” Mr. Hall said. “Spin me and turn me till I puke! It'll work! And it'll be fun, too! It's a bit fun to turn!”

“Okay, then!”

Ford spun Mr. Hall. Mac saw this, and put away his gun. “Hey, I want to turn, too! I'll have a ball if I do that!” So Mac, too, spun and spun. As he spun, he gave Mr. Hall a bump, and they both fell over. Then, Mr. Hall got sick. “Bleh!”

The puke got on Ford. “Bah! That did not go well at all! Now I have to die!”

“Such is the way of RAF!” Mac said. “When I want to die, you die in lieu of me!”

“Nooo! This is far from fair! I don't want to die this way! Puke isn't fun to have on me!”

“Too bad.”

Chuk: I'll fire into the air with an 88mm anti tank gun.
Mac: Mac fire at self.
Ford: I will play a game of Clue, only for this game I will use the body - that is, Mr Body - to kill Mac, and it will have to be in the Hall. This is just for a bit of a fun turn.
Ford dies.



The ones who live:
Chuk
Mac
mg
mv
rm
WAX
Zag

The ones who don't live:
Ford
grz
Lex
PKTA
Pois
The Monk

Send for turn two!
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[marcusI]

I live! Wow

[groza528]

BUM --er-- no wait, yeah. BUMP

[mathgrant]

Turn Two, Part One

It was a very dark eve, and one with very loud rain, to boot. WAX, as any man who is sad is apt to do, sat in his room to sulk. “This rain is just like my life,” WAX said. “As I see the rain pour down, I pick up on the fact that my life, too, goes no way but down. My doom is to be glum for all time. What a sad fate. Woe is me! I will pen a poem, and call it 'How My Life is Like Rain'.”

WAX took his pen and got to work. He only had time to ink the H in the name of the poem when Zag gave him a tsk. “Tsk, tsk!” Zag said. “Pen and ink are out of date! If you want to make a real poem, use a wire, and the dot-dash code!”

“Huh? What do you mean?” WAX said.

“Tap this!” Zag said. “Tap it for just a sec to make a dot, and hold it for a bit to make a dash. The dot-dash code, made by Sam F. B. M. long ago, will turn each of A, B, C, D, and so on into its own dot-dash set. It's fun, and not at all off the wall and dumb!”

“I am too blue and out of my mind not to go with that idea!” WAX said. “How do I make an H?”

“Easy – it's four dots.”

WAX gave the wire four taps. “And O?”

“I won't tell you!” Zag said. “GWA HA HA! Now you can only do H's! My evil plan to kill you is done!” Zag ran out of the room.

“That son of a gun!” WAX said. “I hate his guts.”

At that time, rm ran a game of “Don't Kill the Mod RAF”. “Dumb mg!” rm said. “To run a game of RAF is easy! Only a true dolt will ever fail to mod such a game in good time. Look at me! My RAF game runs at a good pace, even when I, on my own free will and not due to a dumb rule in the game, obey the 'five or more is bad' rule from mg's game. But at the slow rate he goes, that dolt will take a year to post turn two. That is too long! I bet, even if I were to run a new RAF game at the same time as the old RAF game I am in as of now, I'd be done with both in no time!”

“I want to play RAF!” a guy with a tall hat said.

“Who are you, I ask?” rm said.

“I'm Abe L. You know, that U.S. Prez from a long time ago who's now on the cent.”

“Ah, I know you now!” rm said. “Who else will play?”

“I'll play!” said Shaq. “I'll open up a can of Shaq Fu like I did in that song by, erm. . . Lime Anti God, or some name like that.”

“That is a kick-ass song!” Abe said. “I got to use a kick-ass gun in it!”

“I want to play, too!” said Doc Ock, Jack Chan, Capt. Kirk, Indy J. who ran away from a rock in a film, Lo Pan, and the guy with the bat logo on his suit, all at the same time.

“Okay, it's turn one,” rm said. “Make your move, guys!”

“We aim at the air!” said all of them save for Abe.

“And I will kill YOU!” Abe said. BAM! rm was dead. “I win the game!”

“Crap!” said some guy. “And I just lost The Game. Damn you, Abe!”

“I can't be an emo poet with this wire!” WAX said. “I mean, what kind of a poem is HHHH and so on? I need to make an O, but how?”

“An egg is oval like an O!” said Mac. “Use this!” Mac gave WAX an egg – and by “gave” I mean “gave a hard toss at his face”. “AHH! My face! My face has egg on it!” WAX said.

Just at that time, the cops came up in a cop car. “We hear some dude took an egg that was not his!” one cop said. “In fact, one can say it's 'hot', for the word 'hot' can mean that. Like a 'hot' car is a car that a guy took that was not his.”

“Have you seen the perp?” the cop next to him said to Mac.

“That is him!” Mac said. “His name is WAX. See his face? That is how I know he did it!”

The cop put WAX's arms on his back, and then put a cuff on each hand. “You, sir, need to go to jail and do some time for this vile act.”

“NOOO!” WAX said. “How much time will I have to do?”

“Life. You have to stay in your cell till you die.”

“NOOO!!! I just want to die and get my jail term over with!”

"Don't take him to jail!" Mac said. "I did it, and then made it look like he did it! Take me to jail!"

"Oh. Okay."

The cops lit Mac on fire; it made him melt into a tiny lake of goo. Oh, and he was dead, too.

rm: rm will hit self with Abe from The Best Show Down of All Fate by Lime Anti God.
WAX: hit self with a pen
Zag: I fire four dots at WAX.
Mac: Mac will toss hot egg to melt WAX.
rm, Zag, and Mac die.

Part two of this turn will be up soon! I vow on my life it will be!
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My logic puzzle blog

[marcusI]

Mac find this very odd. WAX shot self so Mac die. This I get. So why is it WAX who dies in tale?

[mg on the road*]

[mathgrant]

Done.
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My logic puzzle blog

[mathgrant]

Turn Two, Part Last

“Yawn,” mg said. “Okay, the air, it's time to go to bed. But ere you do so, I will read you a book.”

The air, as it is not able to talk, said nil.

“I take it you want to hear this tale. Very, very good! Once upon a time, we had this guy who gave his soul to God and did love God. He had put his hope in God, and in what is writ by Matt, Mark, Luke, and John, who all say that a guy was born of a girl who had no sex, died on a huge 't' for our sins, and came back to life in a few days. Now, no one is with no flaw, and this man with a love of God had a flaw, too.”

A mile away, Chuk took off his hat. “This hat has an edge that can cut!” Chuk said. “Man, it'd suck if this hat got shot at me out of a hat gun!”

“Yeah!” mv said. “It'd sure suck if that hat's keen edge were to raze my leg off!” He took out a Pony Boy hat gun that uses hats, and not lead, as its ammo.

“Are you up to it?” Chuk said.

“Yeah! It's time to say bye to life!”

“This man did want sex,” mg read. “Now, God made sex, and it is not a sin to want sex, but He does ask us to use it only in the way He made it for. Alas, this man did soon find out at a not-very-old age how to use his hand. Soon, he was sick of his hand, and the man did want a new way to do what he did.”

Chuk and mv put the hat in the Pony Boy gun. “Aim the gun at me, and then pull that to fire!” Chuk said.

“Will do, sir!” mv said. The fine edge of the hat cut into the old man's left lung, and he soon died. “Now it's my turn to die! Whee! It's so fun to die in a game of RAF!”

mg was not yet done with his tale. “Now, the man's mom and dad got him two cats one day; they were a gift. The cats were apt to curl up on him, and he'd soon find out that to have a cat lie on him did turn him on. The man gave the cats a kiss. But he did not stop at that. Soon, he'd do crap to that pair of cats that I dare not go into! What do we gain from this tale? Don't ever, ever rape your cats. The cats will claw you, and you will be made fun of for your kink for as long as you live. Also, no one will like your God.”

The air was not at all fond of this sick tale, and it died.

mv put the hat with a keen edge that can cut off legs back into the Pony Boy hat gun. “I bet I can use the same ammo one more time, even when it was shot once!” mv shot with the gun, and did show this to be true; the hat cut off his leg, and he bled till he died.

mg: I will tell the air the sad tale of a sick, sick man who had sex with his cats.
Chuk: I'll fire at self with Pony Boy cap gun.
mv: i stab my own leg [self]
Chuk and mv die.

The ones who live:
mg
WAX

The ones who don't live:
Chuk
Ford
grz
Lex
Mac
mv
PKTA
Pois
rm
The Monk
Zag

Send for turn. . . two plus one!
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My logic puzzle blog

[MatthewV]

Words cannot muster these terrible feelings. Maybe someday everyone dreams about peaceful worlds. Farewell cruel world!

[mathgrant]

Turn. . . Two Plus One, Part All of It

“I just won Don't Kill the Mod RAF III!” mg, AKA chem gift, said with glee. “This can't be real, but it is! Hey, it'd be very, very cool if I also win this RAF game that I am the mod of, and that I will in no way at all rig to make it such that I win. But what are the odds of that? Not too high.”

“Hey, mg!” WAX said. “It's just you and me, [BEEP]?”

“Hey, that is a bad word!” mg said. “Don't say such a bad word to me. I hate it when you do that. And yes, we are the only two left in the game.”

“What word?” WAX said, at a loss. “It's not like I said 'damn', or 'fu–”

“Oh, I don't give a damn about 'damn'. You know what word I mean. Say that long word one more time, and I'll have to wash your maw out with soap.”

“But it's only ONE too long!”

“This is 'Four of Less RAF', not 'Five or Less RAF', you oaf. I need you to obey the rule. Now, what is your move, WAX?”

“I'll [BEEP] the air!”

“What??!!? That does it! We'll have to duke it out in a kids' card game.”

“I hope it's Go Fish,” WAX said. “That is the only card game I like and won't die if I have to play it.”

“Nope, not Go Fish,” mg said. “We'll play Yu-Gi-Oh!”

“NOOO!” WAX said out loud in pain. “I don't even know how to play that!”

“It's easy!” mg said. “You make a deck, mix it up, and then you draw five –”

“AHHH!” WAX ran away, and made a jump into a very deep pit. His head hit a rock, and he died.

“Phew, I'm glad that went well,” mg said. “I don't know the rest of how to play Yu-Gi-Oh!.”

mg: Well, it's the last turn in the game. I will try to kill WAX with a card game, and hope for the best.
WAX: just you and me right? ill shoot air.
WAX dies; mg wins!

(mg vows on his life that he did not rig this game at all.)
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[MNOWAX]

good game (that is four or less, right?)
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The Man The Myth The Legend
MNOWAX

[mathgrant]

[marcusI]

Yes, good game. Odd Tale, but that was the idea, Yes?

[MNOWAX]

Antidisestablishmentarianism.

Ha.
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The Man The Myth The Legend
MNOWAX