Need some advice

[pikachamp]

Hm. Well, haven't been here in awhile. From a quick look around, it appears that most of the people I remember are still around, so I should be recognised. Anyway, was hoping someone could give me some advice on something.

I'm lazy. To many, this doesn't constitute a major psychological problem. However, lately, it's been feeling like a problem that's harder and harder to overcome. Allow me to explain what's been going on. I'm currently procrastinating on three papers due this Friday (all of which were assigned several weeks ago). My grades in all my classes have been falling due to me not going to classes and not turning in assignments on time. I haven't applied for FAFSA or for loans for this term, even though term ends this week and now I can't register for classes until I pay for school, which means by the time I get this sorted out, I probably won't get the classes I want. My brake line on my care needs to be replaced, or driving home this weekend's going to be worrisome (I managed it on the way to school, so I'm not too worried). Finally, my phone's been off since Friday because I don't want to talk to my parents about grades and/or car.

I've been lazy all my life, but it's never been this bad. I've even been wanting to sleep more. No matter how much sleep I get I always want to go back to sleep. When it comes to getting things done, I always tell myself I'll start on it in an hour or so. It also feels like I've gotten far too good at pushing the anxiety about all this to the back of my mind.

So, my question to all of you is: Do I need help, or do I just need to just man up and get over it?

[Travis*]

You sound like an underachiever.

That's okay as long as you don't mind riding in coach. Nothing wrong with coach either and we need people in coach. On the other hand, if you work hard at your studies, etc, you'll earn the option of first class seats and then you can sit with Pablo.


So no, you don't have a problem.

[MatthewV]

You are depressed.

Solution: drink more water and get more exercise.

[Antrax]

That indeed sounds like clinical depression.
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After years of disappointment with get rich quick schemes, I know I'm gonna get rich with this scheme. And quick!

[Pigboy]

I think other folks may know more about the depression and so on. Are you on the weed or anything like that?

[JF*]

I am also a lazy man. Deadlines for work tend to creep up on me. I can fritter away hours when I'm not under the pressure of impending disaster.

Fortunately, I always make it. I always "man up" when it's necessary. Also luck has helped me a few times. What has never happened was that I woke up one day with boundless energy and the will to get things done. I had to drag myself out there. I have always found, however, that most of the crap that piles up is significantly less of a problem than it seems. The hard part is usually only getting started. It reminds me of what someone said in the "home schooling" thread about the fear of getting hit being much worse than actually getting hit.

I think the long term solution is to create good habits and a schedule. I try to work a full day, even when the next deadline is weeks away. Sometimes I skip (no attendance policy with my job), but the habit of working usually keeps me ahead of the game. I get paid for completed jobs, so I'd starve if I couldn't keep my laziness in check.

MatthewV has some fabulous advice. I find that eating right and even a modest amount of exercise will keep you feeling better. Go for a walk. Set some small goals, and wake up tomorrow with a clear idea of what you want to get done (fix brakes, finish one report). Jump after it first thing. The more you get done early, the better it will motivate you to keep going (works for me at least). I tend to suffer if I see that by noon I've accomplished very little. Achieving goals will motivate you. Allow yourself some indulgence after, and only after completing the goal list.

[Zag]

Until a couple of years ago, I would have described myself in much the way JF described himself. Fortunately for my career, I have always been more than a little above average at writing software, and once I managed to "man up" (as you put it) I was able to do work in one or two days that my boss was pleased with as my week-long project.

However, 2 years ago I went through a bigger drought in my abilities. Every tiny hurdle seemed like a mountain, and I just couldn't bring myself to do the job. I procrastinated past the last minute, and then a little past that, and then it was hopeless so I just gave up altogether. It literally made me nauseous to try to write software, something that has been so natural my whole life. I came within inches of getting fired, which would have been disastrous at this point in my career, since I am up at a level, now, where everybody knows somebody who knows you, and word gets around.

What made the turnaround was getting on the right drugs. After almost a year on Prozac, with little improvement, I started taking Wellbutrin, and it was like a switch was turned in my head. I was back to my former self, productive again, and happy again.

I highly recommend that you get some help. What you have sounds to me like clinical depression, and it may just be a chemical imbalance in the brain which might be easily rectified.

[Travis*]

[JF*]

[Sessie]

Wow...this sounds so much like me that it's almost scary, particularly Zag's comments about procrastinating past deadlines to the point where it becomes hopeless. Changing your diet and exercise habits sounds great if you have the motivation to do it. Unfortunately, part of the problem with depression is that you have no motivation, and then you're depressed because you have no motivation, and then you have no motivation because you're depressed...it's ugly.

The first thing you need to do is stop pressuring yourself to "man up and get over it." It doesn't work that way. People who tell you to just "get over it" have obviously never been in your situation. Next, get to a doctor and explain what's going on. Most likely, he'll put you on an antidepressant and possibly recommend a counselor. It is imperative that you take the drugs properly. You won't notice results right away, but they DO help.

Second, is it possible to take a break from school for a semester or so? If you're able to finish out this semester, do so, even if your grades aren't as good as usual. At least try to pass your classes so you don't end up having to retake them. Taking some time off after that will allow the medicine to kick in, not to mention give you time to get your FAFSA straightened out. If you can't bring yourself to finish out this semester (I couldn't, back when all this happened to me), see if your school offers a medical withdrawal option. When I went through this, my doctor sent a letter to the school, and I was able to withdraw with W grades rather than just quitting with failing grades.

Lastly, try to set some small, easily achievable goals for yourself. Silly little things like "reply to this email" or "return that phone call" can start putting you in more of a positive mindset, which is so important for you right now.

Sorry for rambling at you, but I just know the situation so well and I hate seeing people have to go through it with a complete lack of advice like I did. Keep us posted, and hang in there.
_________________
"I have an everyday religion that works for me: love yourself first, and everything else falls into line." --Lucille Ball

[RSA*]

Get help AND man up. Getting help is part of manning up, if you need it.

[Zag]

[pikachamp]

Wow, you guys have no idea how good this thread makes me feel. Thanks a lot for the advice.

Unfortunately for productiveness' sake, I woke up at 2PM today. However, I am now going to go take a shower (something else I tend to not do regularly enough), go eat dinner, call my parents, and then write a paper.

EDIT: As far as school goes, I just need to get these three papers in and take two exams, and then I'll be done. My school operates under a co-op program, involving going to school for three months, then working somewhere for three months. As another symptom of laziness, I still haven't gotten a job, so I'm going to be at home for the next three months, regardless.

[MatthewV]

You forgot to drink a full glass of water.

And be sure it is real water not Diet Pepsi or coffee. You know, the stuff in the toilet or what comes from the faucet in the kitchen.

Drinking more water really isn't much of a diet change. Most Americans and chronically dehydrated and seem oblivious to the problems caused by it. I should make a pill that does nothing but calls for you to take it with two full glasses of water.

[pikachamp]

Something I thought I'd mention: I hit my head pretty hard a couple months ago. Hard enough that I do not remember anything until about 40 minutes afterward (although, I was still apparently conscious and very confused). I was checked out at the hospital, and they said there was no permanent damage.

Could that possibly have anything to do with this? I can see how my problems could have started around then, but that could just be confirmation bias.

[Dented Ford]

There's so much already said that's good here.

Some "manning up" is required, but that's not really the issue - in order to "man up" you need to break this pattern of procrastination and anxiety. Turning your phone off because you're anxious not to be spoken to harshly is a strong indicator.

See a doctor. He will give you the best first appraisal of what your situation is, but do NOT just accept his initial comment and a packet of pills. Things you can do to help enormously are things that do not need a great deal of "effort" - the little things that can help change your outlook and mindstate and sense of well being and positive direction are the most valuable.

Talk to people. I mean talk for hours. The idea of excercise which, as also has been mentioned, is invaluable too, so combine it. Take a LONG walk with a friend or two, and talk the whole while. Not about your problems specifically, although don't leave that subject out if the conversation fits. Just keep talking, about anything.

Make a change in your routines. If you're used to studying at home with music in the background and the TV and/or computer as distractions, then get out of that environment for a bit. Go to the library and study there for a while instead. You will feel refreshed, and likely more focussed, get a lot more done than you expected, and feel more positive generally as a result.

[Death Mage]

Also, try not to procrastinate on the advice here.

I should really do a lot of this myself. I've been a bit down lately, driving me to procrastination myself.
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[wordcross]

Wow, I've been through this a few times, I never even thought about it being clinical depression. It's only been really bad once, but I kinda wish I'd known that at the time. It's been a sort of cyclic thing with me.
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Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

[Lepton]

Wake up early and have breakfast. You don't need drugs or counseling or any crap like that. Just get on your damned feet in the morning.

I was the same way for periods during university. It's a disease, it's just you not being in command enough of your motivation.

[Zag]

[MatthewV]

While I am on the same side as Lepton in believing that problems can be cured without drugs, I know that it doesn't work for everyone. Maybe it is a lifestyle thing or maybe some people truly are chemically imbalanced to the point where drugs are required. I know that I have made my life without drugs but that may not have always been the best choice.

I have to add another item to my list of living.
1. Drink lots of water.
2. Get some exercise.
3. Sleep in a dark place.
--get insulating curtains to block the light
--get rid or (or cover with electrical tap) LED lights in the bedroom. They are everywhere these day!
--make it so the room can be pitch black.

[wordcross]

don't bring your computer/laptop to bed. I have trouble doing this myself, and it's a huge drain on my productivity. It keeps you up too late, makes you wake up late and tired, and you never really accomplish anything important when you're in bed on the computer. The brief periods where I have been able to resist having my laptop in bed were much more productive. I had to use my desktop in the other room, which means i was sitting up, more focused, actually did work, and was less sore after long sessions since I didn't have to hunch over my keyboard. When I got tired I went to bed and actually read a book for pleasure, which I don't do enough of anymore. I fell asleep much earlier and woke earlier, and I felt like I had slept well.

It's tough, but it *really* does help. Best of luck! (If you succeed, tell me how!)
_________________
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

[DF*]

[Zag]

I agree with everything you said, DF, except your evaluation that my comment wasn't fair. I was responding to this.

[pikachamp]

Thanks for all the advice, guys. I'm actually going to talk to the school's resident counsellor/therapist/whatever tomorrow, to figure out what I should do when I get home.

One question I had though... You call it depression, but.... that doesn't seem quite right. I'm actually happy quite a bit, although this is mainly because I can easily forget about the problems I'm facing most of the time. So, I guess I'm not sure if depression is really the right diagnosis.

Damn, there wasn't a question in there. Let's rephrase that: Does this actually sound like depression?

[Zag]

I'm not a medical professional, so I won't diagnose you through the Internet (nor would any responsible medical professional). But what you're going through sounds exactly like what I went through. I wouldn't have said that I was sad, especially. I was even pretty happy whenever I wasn't dwelling on my own failures. But what I struggled with, and still struggle with, is very clearly clinical depression. It does come in a lot of different forms.

Good luck. There really is a light at the end. I'm back on track, doing well in my job, and feeling good about my home life. I'm off the medication, but I don't believe I ever could have gotten to this place without it. I do still have periods of seeing every minor hurdle as a mountain that can't possibly be overcome, but now I recognize this mirage for what it is and I have solid techniques for seeing clearly again. (These last steps are the result of counseling, not drugs. Make sure you get a good counselor that you can relate to. It took me three tries.)

[MatthewV]

I am not sure how these things are technically classified, but yes it does sound like depression.

[Death Mage]

[MNOWAX]

[Undercover Monk]

Yeah you can just consider us your very own multi-headed totally-disfunctional (in a loving family type of way) therapist.

But seriously, I was going through some similar problems last year. What helped me was finding someone to hang with. I surrounded myself with some good friends and I started getting out more and that in trn helped with my work ethic. Your never in it alone. Hope that helps
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The Classic Blunders:
1. never get involved in a land war in Asia
2.Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line
3. Never release Peyton Manning

[Chuck]

Can't he just ask himself, what would Ash and Misty do?

[pikachamp]

*odd look at Chuck*

So, you guys want updates? Alright. I went to the school counsellor today. She gave me a basic screening and said I have depression. She said I should start going to someone as soon as I get home (which I will). She also got me talking to my professors and now I've got one incomplete, and I'm trying to get another one, which means I'll have a good amount of time to get my work done, and I don't have to fret about it right now.

[DF*]

[Hitchhiker]

pika - I'm so glad you went to the school counsellor. I hope things start getting better soon. My sister had depression when she was a freshman and it took everyone way too long to figure it out.

[Sessie]

Good to hear it, pika; sounds like you're on your way.
_________________
"I have an everyday religion that works for me: love yourself first, and everything else falls into line." --Lucille Ball

[Pablo]

Laziness has negative long term consequences. It leads to lack of money, lack of experiences, lack of success, obesity, loneliness.The short term consequence is ease.

Positive energy leads long term to success, money, friends, fitness, fun. Short term it's a little harder.

It's a choice. You can go through life either way.
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All religions are the same - Guilt....just with different holidays.

[jesternl]

I'm glad to hear you spoke with a councelor, and glad you're talking to us. it turns out there's quite a few here that have a personal idea of waht yuou're going through, and that goes for me as well.
Just remember that pills alone (if whoever you talk to decides that that is the way to go) are not going to do it, all the suggestions mentioned here are a part of the process as well.
eat healthy, excercise, talk with friends, and come here for help as well.

[Undercover Monk]

yeah and fill your ipod with uplifting songs like that "I could walk 5000 miles" song. Seriously I always feel better listening to music. Anyway good luck!


Oh and Chuck, not the time for a username joke dude this is a semi-serious discussion.
_________________
The Classic Blunders:
1. never get involved in a land war in Asia
2.Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line
3. Never release Peyton Manning

[JakCiEsTellA]

What helped me was finding someone to hang with. I surrounded myself with some good friends and I started getting out more and that in trn helped with my work ethic. Your never in it alone. Hope that helps..

[pikachamp]

Wow. That was a 3 year bump. Nice. I happened have this thread on my watch list of whatever, and he I get an email about something from 3 years ago. Weeeeird.

Well, if anyone's curious, I dropped out of college, and live with my mother. However, I have a factory job and am getting an apartment in the next month or so, which has done the most in dragging me out of depression.

Unfortunately, I'm about 2.5 hours from any of my friends.

Fortunately, I just got a new computer (that can actually play modern games), and a smart phone, so I've been in a good mood lately.

So, that's how that turned out, if anyone was wondering. (You weren't.)