Help! My microwave has gone insane

[Vinny]

Are most microwaves built so that the dangerous wave cannot be activated if the door is opened? Are these waves actually dangerous? I am asking because whenever I open the microwave, it "turns on" and make the same sound as when it is in use. Am i in danger? Should I uplug the thing and urinate on it?

[MacadamiamaN]

You don't want kids, right? Then no bad news.

[Antrax]

AFAIK, the answer to all your questions, sans the urination, is "yes".
Antrax

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"Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em" - Lu-Tze, Thief of Time

[Vinny]

but that don't make sense!

Are most microwaves built so that the dangerous wave cannot be activated if the door is opened?

Yes!

Are these waves actually dangerous?

Yes!

Am i in danger?

YES!

So you're saying it is built with a failsafe to not do this, but my microwave is an exception, I am in danger, and I should throw it out and get a new one?

[Antrax]

Yes.
Your Microwave's failsafe is obviously broken, and you're taking enough radiation to turn into a superhero. Unplug it and call a technician. Or get your mom to cook, her food is good cold, too
Antrax

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"Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em" - Lu-Tze, Thief of Time

[Vinny]

We don't call lousy technicians here in America. At least not for something like a MicroWave! They'll laff in our face. We just go and buy ourselves a new one when the old one broke.

[Antrax]

Yeah, get Huey to sell his copy of Warcraft 3 and buy a microwave with the money, or something.
Antrax

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"Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em" - Lu-Tze, Thief of Time

[Vinny]

Here's another question:

Do I need to go see a doccer?

I was probably expose for about 1 minute top.

[Antrax]

No, you don't need to go see a doctor. Just stop using the thing.
Antrax

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"Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em" - Lu-Tze, Thief of Time

[Huey]

Damit Vinny! We relied on to pass on the family gene! Now you go and make yourself impotent?! You ass. Now I have to put up with the stress of finding a mate to make babies with. I hate you.

[Death Mage]

Better idea. Sell Huey, and keep his copy of Warcraft III.

[Vinny]

Not impotent. Antrax assured me that I'll only have XMEN children.

[Huey]

really!? O_o Cool! Don't throw it out then. I want to have XMen kids too.

[Vinny]

ummm ... what exaclty does microwave do, exactly?

See, i can't even tell whether it's just the fan, or the thing is actually radiating invisilbe dangerous waves at me, when I opened the door. It just make a "whirrrrr" sound when I open the door (same sound as when it is in used). How do I find out if it's actually beaming killer waves at my unborn children?

[Antrax]

There are detectors that beep if your microwave is leaking. No way to tell without them. Maybe you can wear a tinfoil hat or something, though.
Also, Huey, Vinny can hit on the chicks and you can do them, not like they'll be able to tell. I think it's a perfect arrangement for you.
Antrax

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"Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em" - Lu-Tze, Thief of Time

[Werebear]

IF you really feel like experimenting, put a AOL CD in there after you open it and it's whirring. (make sure you have your hand on the plug to yank quick)

If the CD sparks, then yes, it's leaking radioactive mutant waves at you. Yank it quick, though you don't care if the microwave dies, or the AOL CD... though a fire might be a bad thing.

[Vinny]

~flash forward~

~HOUSE EXPLODES!!!!~

Vinny: Thanks ... Werebear ...

[Planky]

Well if your inards are feeling abit chilly, just stand in front of the microwave and open the door. Be interesting to see someones liver explode while still in their body

[extropalopakettle]

I think it's highly unlikely that the safety mechanism failed, but I suppose it's possible.

Is it safe to be exposed? Do you consider being cooked on the inside safe? I don't think there are heat receptors deep inside the body, so you might not even feel yourself cooking.

Put a cup of water in there, and see if you can heat it up with the door slightly ajar. Just don't be standing right next to it when you do.

Whether it's dangerous or not, the thought that it might be has obviously caused you pain and suffering and irreversible emotional trauma, and you should gaurd that microwave like a winning lottery ticket while you contact a really sleazy lawyer to help you cash in.

[Vinny]

I am pleased to inform you guys that my unborn children are ok, or at least they won't be affected by this DANGEROUS MICROWAVE FROM HELL thing. I did what extro suggested and put a cup of water in the microwave, which I did by being real careful by wrapping foils around my head and crotch area (haha! no, i didn't really do that). The water didn't get heated after 2 minutes, so methink the it's harmless. The fan trigger must have broke or something.

What do you think extro, should I sue SHARP for the emotional trauma anyhow?

[Vinny]

and why is there a fan in the microwave? I asked. That's another unfathomable mystery, I suppose, to be ponder by wiser men than I.

[Death Mage]

There's a fan in the microwave so the little guy who lives inside and makes it work can stay cool while you heat things up in it, duh.

[Buzzsaw]

Ha! Very funny. Everyone knows the fan is necessary to distribute the microwaves.

Something has to blow them around in there. Otherwise, they would just sit there and do nothing.

[Planky]

Well, aside from constantly getting drunk and doing crack 24/7 at anyrate

[Kd]

Microwaves? Oven cooked food? Have you people not heard of restaurants, coffee shops or fast food joints? Follow my inventive, fattening, and financially crippling eating plan!

Monday
Breakfast: McDonalds. Have one of everything, with a milkshake and large fries. Trust me.
Lunch: Starbucks. Have not only coffee, but a brownie, a danish and maybe a pack of sugar too.
Dinner: Some posh eaterie. And I mean POSH. If you don't spend half your paycheck, it's not posh. Don't forget to take a magnifying glass to view each course with.

Tuesday
Breakfast: Coffee Republic. You will need coffee by now. Sleeping on such a full stomach doesn't really go so well, eh? That apple pie will make you look less tired...
Lunch: KFC. Get a bargain bucket for 8. Eat it all yourself.
Dinner: Order some Chinese food. Have it delivered. You don't want to burn any calories, now.

Wednesday
Breakfast: Leftover Chinese food. Waste not, want not, slim not.
Lunch: Hmm... do you feel like having lunch? No? Ok...
Dinner: Only attempt dinner if you still fit through doors. If you can, go to a doughnut shop.

Thursday
Screw getting something to eat, hell, why not just stay in bed and hold a funnel up to your mouth. I'm serious, it really does work. That is, if you can find someone brave enough and kinky enough to throw BBQ ribs at your mouth. Just remember to chew thoroughly and to empty your bedpan periodically.

Friday
Whoa... are you a foodie or a beached whale? Oh, no no, don't cry. Here, have a chocolate bar. Good? I have plenty more chocolate where that came from... and do you want any ice cream? Okay, I'll go buy you some. Whilst I'm gone, feel free to munch on anything you have handy. There's some cake on the shelf, you fell asleep before you could finish it last night.

The weekend
Hey, how's the diet going? Wait, where are you? Oh... there... I couldn't see you behind all those empty pizza boxes and things. You look... full. What was that? I can't hear you when you have so many olives in your mouth... sure, there must be SOMEWHERE that sells coffee in gallons, I'll check it out for you.

This diet is easy to follow, and guarantees a dramatic change in your figure! And you'll look back and wonder why you were ever worried by a bit of harmless radiation...

[extropalopakettle]

I don't think I've ever used a microwave to cook anything, but it's great for heating leftovers.

[Dread Pirate Westley]

It's good for cooking forzen veggies.

Originally posted by Kd:

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Lunch: Starbucks. Have not only coffee, but a brownie, a danish and maybe a pack of sugar too.
Dinner: Some posh eaterie. And I mean POSH. If you don't spend half your paycheck, it's not posh. Don't forget to take a magnifying glass to view each course with.

---

But you already spent half your paycheck at Starbucks earlier!

[Vinny]

oh memory lanes.

Best Thread Ever.

good times.

~sniffles

[Guest]

Has that water boiled yet?

[Logain]

I think that's why Vinny was gone so long. He has been constantly watching the water to see it start to boil. Unfortunately as soon as he left for the few seconds to post here and stop watching, the water instantly sublimated.

[Ctorj]

[Mackay]

[Kd]

Whoa... I wrote that almost 2 years ago... and it's still true!
_________________
Guess who's back, back again, Kd's back, tell a friend.