How to be Irish for films

[Salty]

Top of the morning to you all.

Here are a few basic steps to follow to ensure that you too can be Irish for the purpose of films. To take the advance course simply watch Far and Away.

Conversation - Everyone knows that the Irish have "the gift of the gab", an ability to prattle on inanely on any given subject as long as it is religion, politics, the weather, drink or sport.

1. Begin every conversation with "top of the morning"
2. Always mention the weather. There are two types of weather "soft days" and "hardy days". "soft days" involve sheets of semi-frozen rain stripping the skin from your face. "hardy days" are a bit worse than that.
3. Pepper your sentences with "please God" or "thank God". E.g. "Top of the morning to you Peter, soft day thank God".

Politics

1.The part of Ireland referred to variously as the republic, the south, eire, the 26 counties etc. should always be referred to in political conversations as "The Free State".
2. Accordingly, that part of the island referred to variously as The North, Northen Ireland, Norn Iron, Ulster, the six counties should always be referred to as "the occupied territories".

Living arrangments
1. For men, live with your mother until you are in your early fifties. (You should refer to her always as your "mammy".)
2. For women, keep an eye out for a man whose mammy has just died and move in with him. Hopefully he should have inherited the farm too. (the farm will be a small patch of hardened ground with three sheep and an old dog that has lost one of it's eyes from chasing tractors, and now has to be tied up on account of worrying the sheep).

The way women and men meet each other will be covered in a later discussion on "courting", pronounce "coortin".

Other future lessons will include fightin, drinkin, religion and shenanigans.

[Pi]

Now, wouldn't we be more likely to call the 26 counties the republic than the free state?
It may depend on if your leanings are towards De Valera or Collins, maybe.

[Salty]

Top of the morning to you Pi. That's true right enough, but you won't be getting any roles in films with that sort of talk.

[Pi]

Ah, but sure now, It isn't the filims I'm looking to be geTting into. I've always been told I have a face for radio, but then so do many of the fellas you see on the tv today. I think I'm just being a bitter old man now amn't I.

[Duphrates]

*is henywan else reading dis tread in un Oirish ahhcent?*

[Agamemnon]

I think it's good that there are many more Irish actors out there now...... Colin Farrell, Colm Meaney, Liam Neeson, Pierce Brosnan, Johnny Murphy, Jer O'Leary, Sean McGinley etc etc, but they still have to get a plastic Yankee with a dodgy gob-full-of-white-pudding accent to play an Irish person.
And yes, Far and Away showed how to do a damn awful Irish accent.

[Legion]

Yes, I agree with you there old chap. These colonials are doing awfully well in the movie industry. I understand they have always been rather fond of singing and dancing, no doubt it is in their genetic make-up to move towards entertainment. Good for them. Just think how well they might have done if the hadn't spent such a long time squabbling amonst themselves like children. Nevertheless they are on their way now. Keep it up Paddy. Pip pip.

[Macros]

The "occupied territories?"
what are you? Eamons bloody grandson?
Being a Filthy prodestant oppressor, i disagree with several of the political aspects of the description (the rest is fairly accuate , you forgot to add jesus wept, and jesus, amry and joseph as exclaimtions)
Where i come from, southern Ireland is referred to as "down south", the Republic, the Eu's financial sponge, etc.......
the "north" is refered to as Norn Iron, Ulster (ironic, as, its only 6 counties of it) thats basically it.
occupied territory is bit far fetched, if i live in occupied territory, so does half of the white populous of the world.(over exageration)
what county are you from salty? (just out of curiousty, i really dont give a flying fuck about polotics here, its the same old shit no matter whos at the top)
oh, and for films, dont forget brad pits "brilliant" gypsy act, whcih has labelled irish people "pikey's" to the world now. WE're bog trotting paddy's and proud of it! but we ain't pikeys i ate fuckin pikeys........

[Salty]

Hey Macros, I'm not seriously suggesting that the terms "Free State" and "occupied Territories" be used. It's only a stereotype for being Irish in films. I saw an interesting thing recently related to this stuff. I was in a pub in Dublin that had on display a couple of old pint glasses which had the letters SE stamped on the side over a still visible crown. (SE means Saorstat Eireann which is the Irish for Irish Free State). When Ireland declared it's independence, one of the first tasks of the new government was to appoint a weights and measures department that went around to all the pubs and took all the pint glasses which were stamped with crowns (to confirm that the volume was indeed a pint), and stamp SE over the crown.

You gotta get your priorities right. Schools and hospitals can wait, but we gotta get the pint glasses fixed up.

[Salty]

Forgot to answer your question. I was born in Westmeath, but I live in Dublin now. If the purpose of your question was to find out if I am a raving Fenian, then I can assure you I am not (once again I was only joking about the Free State, Occupied territories thing). I did live in dundalk for a while though, so maybe the rabid nationalism rubbed off.

[Macros]

sorr,y i was concerned you were in training to invade
united ireland will happene ventually, but it wont be in our lifetimes, and it will sparka bloody riot, quite literally
about the pint glasses - in ireland, that IS getting the priorities right

[Highroller]

Since the most famous part of Irish speech is the Irish accent itself, does anyone care to post some help on that? I imagine there is a varying thickness of it and different types but would anyone be able to create a basic crashcourse?

[Agamemnon]

People from Cork,
Sing when they talk.