Ask About Dealing with Overprotective Parents

[Lepton]

[This message has been edited by Lepton (edited 05-22-2004 01:29 PM).]

[wordcross]

you should add "Ask about" before the thread title. That way you can be the foremost GL authority.

[Lepton]

Good idea.

Ask away, ye of o'er protection!

[wordcross]

so... how does one deal with overprotective parents, say, when one wants to take a trip across the border to meet someone you know on the net?

[Vinny]

What's like to have one?

Alas, I myself never had the same privilege

[Termital]

Let's test this self-proclaimed authority: How would you get the parents of a 15-year old boy to go along with him wearing an earring? You know, not attempting to remove it at night, accidentaly leading to his loss of an earlobe?

------------------
Yearn brightly

[Vegetable]

Pfff... My parents are overprotective but my mother actually asked me if i wanted to get my ear pierced when i was 8. Being an 8 year old i of course said yes.

[Termital]

How about stopping them from showing up at school every other week, on a regular basis, to check up on your progress with your teachers? (Assume that you consistently score above B in each and every exam.)

------------------
Yearn brightly

[extropalopakettle]

Where are the lines between under-protective, just right, and over-protective? (without just citing obvious extremes and saying the lines are somewhere in between them)

[Lepton]

how does one deal with overprotective parents, say, when one wants to take a trip across the border to meet someone you know on the net?

Your story is that your are going to a school-related conference. You should be able to fill in the details fairly easily.

What's like to have one?

Make a list of the twenty things that you most like to do in the evening. Cross off all those that involve being out past 9. Cross off those that involve public places. Cross off those that involve members of the opposite sex. Cross off those that involve alcohol, drugs, or cars. Cross off those that involve people you haven't introduced to your parents. The remaining entries are the social life of a person whose parents are overprotective. (although I've probably missed a few things)

How would you get the parents of a 15-year old boy to go along with him wearing an earring? You know, not attempting to remove it at night, accidentaly leading to his loss of an earlobe?

The best thing here is that the parents don't know. I would reccomend the boy getting into those touques that have the ear flaps. After a couple weeks of familiarization, it should be safe to get a piercing. The tricky part is the first month, when the studs must stay in the ears for the hole to form properly. After that, it is safe to remove the earring while at home. Growing longer hair can help. As always, the best way to slip something past suspicous parents is to limit exposure time.

Where are the lines between under-protective, just right, and over-protective?

An extremely tough question.

Under-protective parents can be defined as those who do not know at least one of

Where the kid is at

When s/he'll be coming home

How to reach him/her

With whom kid is with, generally speaking

Over-protective parents can be defined as those who regularly do at least one of the following

Deny the kid from doing something without the kid understanding why

Deny the kid from doing something due to fears of guilt on their own part

Deny the kid from doing something most of his/her peers do regularly
The last is touchy.

Those are a few general beliefs. I think that "Just-Right" parents know exactly when to let go. That is, when it is best for the kid, considering both the long and short terms. Hopefully I've been of assistance.

[Agamemnon]

We parents are on a very steep learning curve and everyday brings something new and challenging to cope with when it comes to our children. Our kids on the other hand think they know it all already
This is where the clash of personalities and attitude problems occur, leading to kids thinking they are being surpressed by over protective parents, when in reality, we are just making sure our kids don't do the stupid mistakes we made.
We love our children and only want the best for them, sorry if we seem too totalitarian but we are finding it hard too.

[i_h8_evil_stuff]

The answer to this question would have helped about 5 hours ago, had I gotten it. Oh well.

My parents are very over-protective. How do I get out of the house to go with my friend to NJ when they've already disallowed me to go?

[Chuck]

The easiest way to deal with parents is to outlive them.

[Digit Ne]

What's the best way to get a parent to reveal motives behind limiting an activity?
If the motive is their own past & a desire to keep it from happening again, what is the best counter?

[Lepton]

Agamemnon

You're a fecking incredible dad.

My parents are very over-protective. How do I get out of the house to go with my friend to NJ when they've already disallowed me to go?

Finish school, get a job, and move out. Now you'll be free to do whatever you want to.

Your parents are right to disallow your trip to NJ. Heck, most adults I know wouldn't go there themselves if they were being prodded by hot pokers.

What's the best way to get a parent to reveal motives behind limiting an activity?
If the motive is their own past & a desire to keep it from happening again, what is the best counter?

The best way is to ask outright. An honest relationship about why you cannot do activities will make your social planning easier. It will also make your parents feel more secure against your rebelling against their wishes, which is a good thing whether you plan to sneak off or not.

If you want to screw up your life the same way that you parent did, feel free. I'd wait until you are old enough to be able to argue coherently that it was in *your* best interest to do so, since that's what it will likely take to keep yourself from being thrown out of the house or grounded forever.

[Legend of Tenshi]

How do I convince my parents that I really should move to England?

------------------
I'm looking for a good sig, wanna help?

[i_h8_evil_stuff]

Ok, let me reword my question (Edits to the question underlined. No part of the question has been removed)

How do I get out of the house to go with my very good friend, who happens to be the son of my parents' good friends, on a completely safe trip to NJ to a convention center that I've been to 4 times before when they've already disallowed me to go?

[Lepton]

How do I convince my parents that I really should move to England?

The best way to do this is to obtain a large sum of money; sufficient to cover your airfare and the cost of living in England for a year. Then, determine where you will be living and get into contact with the local school to ensure that you can continue your education without a hitch. Lastly, you will need a close family friend or relative to be living within an hour's cab ride from your new pad. If you do not presently have one, perhaps inviting one of the English GLers for an extended stay in your hometown (all expenses paid) will be sufficient.

How do I go with my friend on a safe trip to NJ when they've already disallowed me to go? (edited for clarity)

Try persuasion. You sure convinced me.

[i_h8_evil_stuff]

No, but see, I DIDN'T convince them, which is what mattered. Now I'm sitting wondering how I'm gonna find someone who will trade away their prerelease Helm of Kaldra.

[Termital]

Hey, where's the answer to my non-fictional second question?

Also, if I might step on Lepton's toes a bit, h8's parents' problem might be the Helm of Kaldra. Perhaps they think that whatever that is, it's prolly going to deny you more of the healthy outdoor fun a boy of your age needs to properly grow. Or something. Or they could've watched one too many Sopranos episode.
------------------
Yearn brightly

[This message has been edited by Termital (edited 05-24-2004 11:43 PM).]

[Lepton]

Termital's question, go find it yourself and stop thinking ill of me for missing it, you black-kettle callers.

Tell your parents that, although your teachers certainly appreciate the enthusiasm that they are exhibiting, they feel encroached upon in their duties regarding your education. In other words, your teachers feel that you are being educated just fine, and would prefer that your parents relaxed a little bit. This might even be the case - I know of at least one instance where it was.

[Legend of Tenshi]

Thanks Lept, you answered none of the problems I have with the move. I have accomodation, a place to study and a job lined up. The problem is working out how to tell the parents their little darling is bailing on them without them going balistic.

------------------
I'm looking for a good sig, wanna help?

[Legend of Tenshi]

Also, how do I convince a mother not to drill me on the finer points of a job interview while I am trying to play modo?

------------------
I'm looking for a good sig, wanna help?

[Lepton]

Tenshi, I think the best thing you can do it say it outright and soon. You are old enough to be able to take care of yourself, and the more time that your folks have to realize this before you leave, the more content they will be.

Maybe pretend to pay attention, then, when she catches her breath, tell her that you are going to move to England in a few months.

[i_h8_evil_stuff]

Aside: Helm of Kaldra is a card for the game "Magic: The Gathering." It doesn't officially come out until June 6th, and the prerelease version has got foil in the card, making it nice and shiny. I was really looking forward to getting a copy of that card.

[Termital]

Lepton, your suggestion works on the assumption that they would care about what the teachers felt or thought about this. They didn't.(Past sense since all that happened quite some time ago.)

H8, I figured as much. I was merely suggesting that this might be a tacit way to show disapproval of your hobby (this kind of thing tends to happen when parents don't want you to be doing something, but know they can't make a reasonable argument as to why). Of course, I could be wildly wrong. Like, say, if you have never spent a night outside their supervision (or they called summer camp thrice daily when you first went ot one or somesuch).

Tenshi, if your plan's sane, I don't think they'd object. They'd be saddened, and ask an awful lot of repeptitive and stupid question yes, but delaying informing them won't make it better. Getting them involved in the moving proccess would prolly be a good thing. And anyway you go about it, lots of mushy goodbyes and lots of frequent and boring calls are in your future. Good luck.

[Mackay]

Originally posted by wordcross:

---

how does one deal with overprotective parents, say, when one wants to take a trip across the border to meet someone you know on the net?

---

WordX is going to meet Lepty! How romantic

[i_h8_evil_stuff]

Term, they fully approve of my hobby, so long as they don't have to pay for it. I've not spent more than two consecutive nights outside supervision, and my mom was calling me nonstop when I did stay away for two days.

[Macros]

your under protective parents list is very general, i dont consider my parents under protective, and they could tick every category in that list most weekends.
i dunno how people stick over protective parents
- yes this is me, gloating.

[Jedo the Jedi]

You people got it all wrong. You have to be good. You can't be reblious or disobedient, and it helps to do well in school. Of course, some people just have stiffs for parents and they won't let you do anything regardless of how well you act. Oh well, sucks to be you.

[Sessie]

How to deal...: Put up with it until you turn 18. Until then, it's probably all for your own good anyway.

Once you turn 18, move the **** out.

[Buzzsaw]

Sessie makes the most sense of anyone so far.

[Vinny]

haha, I enjoyed that "****" more than I should

[This message has been edited by Vinny (edited 06-07-2004 11:37 PM).]

[Antrax]

ih8, give me your mailing address, I'll send you one.
Antrax

------------------
"Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em" - Lu-Tze, Thief of Time

[i_h8_evil_stuff]

Cool! I sent you my address via email.

[Kd]

Help me, Lepty! Yeah, I have questions. This was bound to happen eventually. Answers would be appreciated from anyone, especially if they've heard me complaining before.

What is the best way to gradually convince my parents to let me, erm... "travel across several countries as an innocent tourist who won't meet anyone I've made friends with online, let alone spend time with them" during my gap year? And who should I go visit first?

If I find out that my parents are looking through my computer files when I'm out/asleep, what should I do?

[Dread Pirate Westley]

1.) Chicago's a lovely place. If I just happen to show up someplace in the city that you told me you'd be, who can object to such an innocent coincidence? And: me.

2.) Password lock the screensaver and set it to 1 minute?

[MacadamiamaN]

Then they can just restart your computer. All you have to do is put in a BIOS password, and keep your computer off when you are not using it or within general proximity. (No, I don't speak from experience...).

[Lepton]

You want to tour the world, etc.

Plan to move out while attending university or college or whatnot. This is essential, really, for your long-term sanity. Now, plan to take your trip the last few weeks before you move out. Ensure that your folks are cool with you moving out, then suggest that you travel beforehand. I would suggest taking a friend anyways, which would make it more easily swallowed by your parents and more fun for you. Come to Halifax, Canada, last because I'll make sure you won't want to leave.

If I find out that my parents are looking through my computer files when I'm out/asleep, what should I do?

Save anything that you don't want your parents to see on glpics. Hy would gladly give you a password-protected account, I imagine, and he'd probably be willing to give you extra space if you need it. If this is too cumbersome, create a directory deep into your file structure (something like c:/progra~1/messenger/data/sounds/wav/temp/yourstuffhere). It will be possible to find, and fairly easy to uncover if your folks are decent computer users, but won't be immediately obvious, in any case. No matter what you choose to do, make sure you leave some "safe" (ie. non -pornographic) material behind in your regular filespace.

[pikachamp]

Originally posted by Lepton:

---

What's like to have one?

Make a list of the twenty things that you most like to do in the evening. Cross off all those that involve being out past 9. Cross off those that involve public places. Cross off those that involve members of the opposite sex. Cross off those that involve alcohol, drugs, or cars. Cross off those that involve people you haven't introduced to your parents. The remaining entries are the social life of a person whose parents are overprotective. (although I've probably missed a few things)

---

*looks at list, sees no crossed off items*
Hmm... I think I have a problem...