Ask About Dealing with Overprotective Parents

[Kd]

Thanks guys, much appreciated. Hopefully I'll be able to move out just after my college course ends, at which point my 12 months of doing nothing starts.

[Lepton]

I might as well turn this around now...

I have been dating Wilhemina, a classmate, for nearly two months. She skipped grade 12 (I'm not kidding) and moved to Canada from the UAE with her mother and twin sister last year to start university. Her mother is pretty orthodox and pretty strict - she doesn't want her daughter dating non-Arabs, for one thing. (that includes me, btw) She has a 10:30 curfew and isn't allowed to go out unless it is with her sister. (school being an exception, of course)

I feel like the relationship is going somewhere. It's coming close to the point where it is no longer useful to sneak around simply to avoid the hassle of people knowing about us. At the same time, she's afraid of her mother going bananas if we are found out.

I think that I've provided all the essential details. What do you think I should do?

[Mackay]

In my opinion, if you really believe the relationship is going somewhere, you have to tell the parents. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be, and the worse their reaction. Perhaps Wilhelmina should bring it up with her parents first or, if you think they'd be less likely to blow up in front of you, go along with her to talk to them. It's scary but necessary if you want to avoid further trouble in the future. Have you met her parents? If not, then maybe she could introduce you to them as a friend, and working things that way you could try (if at all possible) to get them used to the idea of the two of you hanging out together.

Ultimately, her parents need to know that she's an independent young woman who is going to make her own choices regardless of what they tell her to do. I'm sure it isn't that simple - it sounds like they have a huge hold over her - however, the only thing you really can do that has even a remote chance of bringing about a decent outcome is to attempt to gently get them used to the idea of you spending time with their daughter. It may not work, but I've seen friends with parents like this before. They don't usually like it, but they get used to the idea eventually.

I hope that helps some, it's just my two cents really. Good luck.

[Lepton]

I should have mentionned. Her real name isn't Wilhelmina. That's just my favourite kind of dutch mints (Wilhemina pepermunt).

(Thanks Ellen)

[Mackay]

*hugs Danny* (Any time.)

[chief ten beers]

Lepton bags an exotic chick. Good job, d00d.

[Ghost Post]

an exotic chick with a twin sister.

[This message has been edited by The Ragin' South Asian (edited 06-15-2004 01:05 AM).]

[Mackay]

*snort* Real sensitive new-age guys we've got around here.

(P.S. does Aussie count as exotic? *looks hopeful*)

[This message has been edited by Mackay (edited 06-15-2004 01:07 AM).]

[Ghost Post]

it's borderline. a twin sister would definately push you over into the exotic category, though.

[Mackay]

But you know I have a twin! Here's me with my sister... uh... Nelle.

The photo's pretty bad quality, 'cause she doesn't want people to know what she looks like.

[MatthewV]

Wow Lepty, thanks for all your help! Here I am traveling around the world, sitting in a country that my parents don't know/trust or have any reason to trust a single person here, all because of your help! The best, Lepton, the best.
I read the thread just today

[Leptonn]

Disclaimer: Lepton does not condone the consumption of narcotics, unlabeled pills, or other mood-changing chemicals.

[Termital]

Eloping also works, I hear.
_________________
_{Better ways to push & pull!}