Outrageous D&D and other Role-Playing Game Stories

[The Ktulu]

At the end of last year, I started playing Dungeons & Dragons with my friend Robert at his house, along with his brother and our friends Nick and Levi and sometimes a few other people. We had a lot of fun for a while, but then I wasn't going over there when they were playing, so I didn't play for a few months.

A couple weeks ago, I started playing again. And Levi, the craziest and weirdest guy I know, played a Monk that gets turned into a Minotaur when he awakens a chaotic-evil god shortly into the game. I played a Human Sorcerer, and instead of going along with everyone else and starting their characters at higher levels, I created my character starting at Level One. No thanks, I'm not skipping.

Well, after some time just adventuring and having fun, we had our first battle. The DM gave us each over seven-thousand XP. Whoa. I skipped two levels. So I updated my character. We had some time to waste while walking down a long series of corridors in some abandoned building or something, and so, with the joking personality of my character, I began to use a a few of the spells that I could use.

Levi the Minotaur and I were alone in one corridor, the other players having stayed behind to search for things or go off by theirselves. I used Spider Climb to get on the ceiling and follow Levi. Then Invisibility so he wouldn't see me. Through a few hallways I followed the Minotaur Monk, most of them more than fifty feet high. Then, my next move was considered an attack by the DM; though I would never intentionally harm a fellow teammate, this, I agreed, was an attack.

Some people will notice how D&D characters hardly ever get a chance to relieve themselves. So I said, "I haven't used to lavatory in a while. I need to go." I rolled my aim and hit, though barely, Levi with wastes. The bad part is, I was too late. The corridor we were in now was only ten feet high. Because it was an attack, I was now visible, and Levi saw this. He pulled me down from the ceiling and pushed me into my own wastes. Then it just got out of control.

So...do any role-players have any hilarious or ridiculous stories to tell?

[dethwing]

One of the more famous ones: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/98/Jul/gazebo.html

[The Ktulu]

I have only one thing to say about deth's link: EE EE E EEE EE E EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Some of you might understand; some of you will not)

[One Skunk Todd]

I once threw Gary Gygax out of my hotel room because he was being an ass. I understand this is not unusual behavior for him.

[Antrax]

Can you jump more than one level at once in D&D? I thought you couldn't.
Antrax

------------------
Bah, I don't believe in anything

[Neo]

Things got creative in LL

[Orbiting]

Well done, OST.

I never liked that Gygax guy anyway. Something about how the place of girls in D&D was to bring in cookies occasionally, or something.

[The Ktulu]

Well, if that's the case, Ant, I didn't know, and neither did the DM.

[Werebear]

One of my favorite stories was a friend of mine as DM taking care of a high-level player who used "dispel magic" CONSTANTLY. In one large circular room, he put an interesting object on a pedastal. Our Hero, as usual, went in first and cast his "Dispel Magic". Unfortunately, this caused the floor to disappear, exposing a pit of spikes. Our Hero manages to squeak off a levitation spell to avoid being impaled.... a few seconds before he realized the pillars holding the ceiling up were dispeled too. Moral of the story: don't get predictable and boring.

That's why I always preferred "Paranoia".. Knowledge of the game's working is Ultraviolet Clearance... anyone displaying knowledge of dice rolls or other game master material is immediately turned on by his teammates.... And battle! the GM lines up the player profiles by dexterity and says, "DP, there are Green Level troubleshooters running at you firing their weapons. What do you do?" DP says "Um...." GM says "OK, Werebear, what do you do?" Werebear says "What weapons do I have?" GM says "OK, Orbiting, what do you do?" Orbiting says "Duck for cover while shooting my laser"

The GM then says, "So while you're being shot it, DP is standing with his mouth open gaping, Werebear is feverishly searching his backpack, and Orbiting is ducking and shooting...." None of this "Well, I have a bow +2 and a enchanted sword +4... With my dice rolls and skills, I'd need a 8 to score a hit with the sword, and a 10 with the bows, say, when are they going to be in bow range? Hold on, let me cast a few spells first..."

[The Ktulu]

Cool! That's one of the only things I've never liked about Dungeons and Dragons: dice-rolling and looking up everything in books. I enjoy the role-playing better than the dice. Dice once in a while is all right, but it gets annoying when it happens constantly, as in a few games I've played.

[One Skunk Todd]

I remember playing a game of Paranoia once where several of us lost all five clones between the barracks and the mission briefing.

[The Ktulu]

A game Robert's dad once described to me:

This player was getting really annoying. At one point, he finds a box of rings, and they all tingle. He knows these are special rings, but he doesn't know in what way. Later on, his party finds a wizard, and the annoying player has the wizard determine what kind of rings they are.

After trying all the rings on, the wizard says, "Well, what you have here is a box of Rings of Great Tingling."

The annoying player is about to protest when the wizard says, "Except this one." Then he's excited. "This is a Ring of Three Wishes, and right now I wish you were somewhere else."

[Neo]

Never annoy the DM. I know of several close calls in LL when orbi wanted to kill a player

[Orbiting]

Moi? Never. I never kill players maliciously. I do upon occasion cause other unpleasant things to happen to them, but I never set out to kill a particular player. Not when I'm DMing, anyway.
PC player-killing, now, is a completely different game.

[The Ktulu]

Another friend of mine says one of the groups he plays with, their DM takes his job as "to kill the players."

[Orbiting]

Well, sure. But "the players" as a group. Not "that one guy that pisses me off".

[The Ktulu]

I would hate to play in a game where the DM was bent on killing me as soon as possible.

[Orbiting]

You have to have balance. If there's not a reasonable chance that someone might get killed, it's too easy. If you know the DM likes you too much to kill you, or whatever, then you do stupid things because you're invulnerable. Running a hard game keeps people thinking in-game.
On the other hand, you mostly want to shepherd low-level characters, and not really let them get killed much, or you never get anybody to the levels where they can do really exciting stuff. The game I ran here, I never killed anybody, but they lost a player within the first few minutes of game time due to his own impulsiveness.

[Neo]

And nearly had an in-group fight

[Samadhi]

One of my favorite memories was in my high-school group. There was myself, two other players and the DM. Well, my friend Bill was the kind of guy who had a ton of detail to his characters including history and whatnot, but couldn't seem to get into the play of his characters as much.

Well, we were all cruising around this forest and came across an elven burial shrine deserted but still in good shape. Well, me and Sean, being of dubious Neutral character, were all for pillaging the hell out of it and said so. When Bill said "Let's do it!" there was a bit of a pause. I looked at Sean, he at me. We both looked at the DM who sat stoicly. Then we went in with all gusto. I got some decent stuff out of it and so did Sean and Bill.

Well, we left the shrine, backpacks full when Sean let the cat out of the bag. "Bill aren't you a Druid? How's your god feel about you pillaging this elven shrine?"

The DM severely punished him for that one

[Planky]

I dont wish to display my ignorance, but what the hell is "The DM"? Is it Dungeon Master or something?

[Beartalon]

Yes.

[Samadhi]

Huh? I was talking about the Dyslexic Matsre.

[ctrlaltdel]

malicious DMs, yah i know them... i was supposed to either run away or fight a giant snake i mean a massive giant piece of a python with my bare hands. so i kind of fought it. with a wonderful strategy of gauging its eyes out first and then ripping his scales off (duh) and a brilliant series of dice rolls to make me survive i killed it. woohooo! then i was supposed to be take out its heart for some sort of an amulet. i did. now, the only thing left to do was to keep the heart within 6 feet of me for 24 hours.

with nothing else to do i just told the DM fine, i sit under a tree and wait. roll the dice he says. what??? i'm just sitting down, sure i can do that?? roll them! fine, so i roll the dice, and again and again... and finally the DM says: after 12 hours the heart rolled 10 feet away from you. no amulet. WHAT THE... HOW DOES A LUMP OF MEAT ROLL AWAY 10 FEET???


another one, me being the DM, the party of characters was being chased through the jungle by a cannibal tribe. suddenly one character says:

- i stop and start to dig a hole for a trap
- don't be stupid, you have no time for that
- i'll try anyway
- sure... but you don't have anything. are you digging with your hands? (getting the dice ready)
- no no... i have a... (shuffling through her papers)yes! i'm digging with the torch!

[The Ktulu]

You should've just said you're putting the heart in your supply sack. No way it can roll away now.



[This message has been edited by The Ktulu (edited 07-31-2003 09:18 AM).]

[HyToFry]

Haha. Watch this.

[HyToFry]

there goes your dreams TK.

[The Ktulu]

Nah, I wasn't trying to be the highest poster. I just wanted 100.

[Death Mage]

We've got a DM who specalizes in making the characters paranoid. He believes that the DM's goal is to bring the party to the brink of death. He usually does a good job of it too, but our party somehow manages to survive every time. We've had a character or two die here and there, but surprisingly my character has never once died (at least, not this character under this DM... we had another DM for this campaign and my former character, a necromancer, went ahead and sold his soul to a demon.. but that's another story). I've been down to near death repeatedly, but by blind stupid luck I manage to survive.

[Werebear]

Items in Paranoia given to players:

A sealed sphere with the words "petroleum jelly" circling the middle. The players were being chased down a hall, so some smart monkey troubleshooter decides he's going to smear petroleum jelly on the floor so the bad guys chasing them will slip... they discover the sphere has no opening, so they THROW the sphere as hard as they can at the guys. The guys shoot it. That's when they discover it wasn't petroleum jelly, it was jellied petroleum....

a case of oval ball bearings

a sinclair chain. it's sealed in a bottle... it's a chain one molecule thick. When you open the bottle, the statis field disappears, and the chain immediately heads for the center of the earth, cutting anything below it cleanly in two.

"Happy goo". It's red paste in a tube. Everyone I've DM'd for has gotten happy goo. Sometimes it's food. Sometimes it's paint. Sometimes it's glue. Sometimes it's a powerful rusting agent. Imagine the possibilities. (BTW, in paranoia, owning equipment above your level (ordered by rainbow colors - red being lowest level troubleshooter) is treason... so players sometimes smear Happy Goo on high level stuff to disguise it. Heh heh heh...

Oh, there's sooooo much more.... And remember, when the game master smiles, it's already too late.

[Death Mage]

I would really watch a game of Paranoia played. That way I'd have a ltitle experience before jumping in.

But wait, if I watch a game first, and then play,w ould I be violating my security clearence? Uh-oh...

[Eykir]

Well, I had a fun one this last weekend.

There is a pit that has three squares in it. Our cleric and Fighter are down there looking at some kind of tunnel. I climb down and join them. The DM leans forward, and says "That's what I was waiting for." and says I triggered a falling earth trap. The Warrior takes a few points, the Cleric takes enough to go unconscious... Me, I get criticalled for 18 damage. I only have 9 HP, so that puts me at -9, if I don't get a healing from someone or stabilize myself (10% chance) next round, I will die.

So, the wizard jumps in... takes enough falling damage to knock himself unconscious.
Then the rogue (L'lanmal) tumbles in, takes no damage, and manages to successfully apply a heal to me to keep me barely alive.

Meanwhile, Elayne was just up top laughing at me the whole time. Hey, I managed to knock out 3 members of my party!