How To Fake Being A Limey

[Kd]

Finally, something I feel qualified to teach... As an authentic Limey, I will endeavour to teach you all how to pass yourselves off as British. It needs more than just a convincing accent, oh yes. There are a fair few things you must master and understand first, from spelling and grammar to etiquette and general morals/ethics.

If any other Brits would like to be guest lecturers, that's great.

*awaits students*

[Agamemnon]

Lesson One: How to communicate with Jonny Foreigner.

Stand roughly 6 ins from face of said foreigner, shout loudly and slowly in English, wave arms about like a looney, point to Union Jack, drink more beer, walk away.

Hey, I'll sign up for this class, I could do with passing myself off as British.

[Mackay]

*raises eyebrow*

Who on EARTH would want to pretend to be a limey? Pff.

*walks out, smirking*

(Just kidding. I won't sign up, because being Aussie > being Limey, [] but I'll be reading avidly.)

[The Ktulu]

You could have a how to fake being an Aussie.

I'd take part in both classes. Big Grin

[Mackay]

You know, that's not a bad idea.

[The Ktulu]

Yeah! Now I can learn to be an AssLimey

I mean an AussLimey.

[Mackay]

Slimey Ass?

*goes to suggest title for Ktulu*

[Kd]

Well, what an impressive turn out... *mutters regional obscenities* Now, I'll start with the basics... All sections will be added to in time.

The following words have a U in them.

coloUr
honoUr
flavoUr
valoUr
favoUr
candoUr

American to Limey translations

elevator = lift
sidewalk = pavement
garbage = litter
ATM = cashpoint
potato chips = crisps

center = centre
liter = litre
meter = metre

[Huey]

Ooh ooh! Perhaps you can enlighten me on this issue. Why do they call you Limeys? Is it because you taste sour?

[Ghost Post]

English sailors ate limes to prevent scurvy.

[The Ktulu]

Oooh. We call sidewalks pavements and garbage litter and elevators lifts just as often as the other way 'round.

[/smartaleck student]

Bah, there was no honour in that.

[Vinny]

Oh oh oh, teach us about the STIFF UPPER LIPS kind of humoor!

[The Doctor]

**points to profile**... or is that proufile?

Also:

code:

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US          Brit


Shrimp      Prawn  (and, while shrimp is both sing. and pl., prawns is plural)


bathroom    loo


yard        garden


...

---

[This message has been edited by The Doctor (edited 01-19-2004 09:40 PM).]

[Chuck]

Apartment = Flat

[Sigmund Freud]

ass = arse
cigarette = fag
eraser = rubber
rubber = condom? prophylactic?
sausage = banger

[Kd]

Sigmund Freud = that guy who talked about loving your mother too much

*gasp*

Sigmund Freud = MACNUT



Oh, and a small lecture on humoUr coming soon.

[Agamemnon]

Ah, the oldie worlde days of the British comedy.......Frankie Howard......Morcambe & Wise......Tommy Cooper......Norman Wisdom......Mike & Bernie Winters........Bruce Forsythe.......those were the days.

The 'Carry On' films, now they were right up our smutty toilet humour street, and remember the 'Confessions' films, well, a bit near the knuckle in those times I can tell you.

'Wheel tappers and shunters' was a hoot, as was 'the Benny Hill show' too.

~wipes tear from eye~~

[Vegetable]

Does Major have a U in it? Bloody limeys can't even spell rite

[Kd]

No, there's no U in major. Voice clips will be up later.

*runs off to do college work and avoid being kicked out*

[Pi]

Don't forget Carla (from cheers)

Carla: You're British aren't you?
Brit: Yes, how did you know.
Carla: 'Cos you sound smart even when you're saying something stupid

[Kd]

Introduction

The 'U' words

Any suggestions for more speech? Tell me.

[This message has been edited by Kd (edited 01-22-2004 03:25 PM).]

[Agamemnon]

Yeah, how about the Meg Ryan orgasm bit in "When Harry met Sally"

[Kd]

Erm, Aga, this is How To Fake Being A Limey, not How To Fake- oh, forget it.

[The Ktulu]

Come visit me and you won't need to take that class.

Did I just say that out loud?

------------------
Nineteen Ninety-nine

[Mackay]

Yeah, when I went to visit Kt, I spent almost the entire time faking org

Haha! Nice one, Kt! *looks around nervously* *edges out*

[The Ktulu]

Ha! Check that out. She may have been faking, but you know what she was doing with me if she was faking

*-brags to all the dudes and makes them jealous-*

And don't worry, all the rest of you GLerettes. Having to fake is a very rare occasion.

[Mackay]

Apparently not THAT rare.

[The Ktulu]

Are you saying you don't like the hot lima bean sex? I thought that was special.

[Mackay]

I'm sorry Kt, but your lima bean sex was lukewarm at best.

Now your MOM - oh boy, does she ever do good lima beans. In BED!

[Sniklac16]

Man I'm part British and I don't even know half this stuff.

------------------
"I am both the creator and the destroyer"

[Mackay]

I'm posting to publicly apologise for my treatment of the Ktulu. In reality, his lima bean sex was great. But he broke my heart by running off with my mum. I've never gotten over it. *breaks down and starts crying*

[The Ktulu]

Okay, that's it. This has gone too far. 1) I've never given the Lima Bean Sex to the Mother of Mackay; I've offered it, but once I learned that Mackay gets upset by this, I promised I wouldn't give it to her mom anymore. 2) This whole Lima Bean thing has nearly hi-jacked the thread, and I therefore apologize, Kd.

Oh, and Mackay, you should've linked to fun.mp3 on "In BED."

[The Ktulu]

Snik - are you saying you grew up in England for part of your life but don't know many of these phrases; or you're descended from English but not living in England, therefore not knowing the Limey Lingo?

[Kd]

Ok, enough about lima beans, or I'll kick you both out of class. This is not the place to be discussing your sexual habits. Now, if you'll all take a seat, I'm about to record a sound file explaining why the British accent is so hot.

[Mackay]

I'm not IN the class!

Originally posted by me:

---

I won't sign up, because being Aussie > being Limey, but I'll be reading avidly.

---

Bwahahaha! *throws lima beans at teacher*

[The Ktulu]

Ooooh, Miss Kd Teacher looks hot when she gets mad.

[Agamemnon]

Originally posted by that miners daughter again, back from t'mill and boiling washing on the stove:

---

I'm about to record a sound file explaining why the British accent is so hot.

---

Which British accent would that be then old bean? Cornish? West country? Brum? Cockney? Scouse? Geordie? Yorkie? Mancy? Lanco? Norfolk? Cumbrio? Lincs? etc etc

[Mackay]

Cornish farmer? *is still waiting on a certain recording from Aga*

[The Ktulu]

There are that many British accents? Oh dear...

[Kd]

Aga - alright, alright. When I said THE British accent, I really meant MY British accent. If you feel like trying to mimic all the ones you listed, then I have no objections.

*boils some more washing on the stove* Oooh look! I can see the mill from here!